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Mary Worth, 12/21/18

Oh man, it just now occurs to me that I’m not entirely sure what Ian’s voice is supposed to sound like! Ever since I stumbled upon these amazing videos years ago, I’ve heard this Ian in my head as the canonical Ian voice:

(I don’t think I’ve posted this in years and if you haven’t watched it yet you really owe it to yourself, it’s a couple weeks of Mary Worth strips acted out panel by panel, and I only found out long after first seeing it that it was made in Baltimore by friends and friends of friends of mine!)

BUT ANYWAY, while I enjoy the thought of Ian drawwwwing out his vowels pommmpously like the actor in the video, there are other alternatives. All we know is that this inexplicably besotted young woman thinks it’s “powerful”! He could have a very deep and stentorian voice! Or maybe gruff, scratchy, and bear-like! Also, we know he’s proud of his Scottish heritage, but have ever established whether or not he was actually born in Scotland? Does he have a Scots accent? Does he sound like Sean Connery, but drunker and angrier??? I will be thinking of nothing else for weeks!

Dustin, 12/21/18

You know what I always thought of as an “unspoken covenant”? Not to just start a conversation with a total stranger with “Good lord, there’s shit everywhere in there.” Maybe it’s just me though!

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Dustin, 12/13/18

Look, I’m a firm believer that your masturbatory life is your own business, even if you’re in a committed relationship, and that includes any associated props and interior mental processes. That said, it’s your own business because you keep it your own. You don’t need to talk about how horny you are for this pie right in front of your wife, dude.

Spider-Man, 12/13/18

A hero rises … after being inconvenienced when his vacation plans are disrupted! The Amazing Spider-Man!!!!!

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Funky Winkerbean, 12/8/18

We know that the Funkyverse is in many ways similar to, but not identical with, our own space-time continuum, because its characters deploy terms like “solo car date” and “vendos” that no human on Earth-Prime would ever utter. However, I refuse to believe that Viagra’s powerful branding as a little blue pill wouldn’t stay true across universes. Therefore, I assume that this conversation has abruptly turned away from sex stuff and now they’re blessedly just talking about acid reflux.

Dustin, 12/8/18

I’m still in the very early “who the hell are all these people” stage with Dustin so I have no idea what this kid’s deal is. Do you think he, like, pulled a knife on Marcus? Threatened to kill his whole family if he dared to hiccup even one more time? The kid definitely seems to be coolly filing away the data he’s gathered on the amount of trauma you can subject someone to and still expect them to interact with you socially.