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Wizard of Id, 8/16/14

This is supposed to be a serious commentary about how man is the most dangerous and deadly animal of all, which is of course accurate. Nevertheless, the first few moments I looked at it, I thought the Wiz was talking about wizards as a class, or maybe just about himself personally. The Wiz is a near-omnipotent mage who works for the dictatorial government of Id, which routinely tortures its citizens on a whim. Of course he kills thousands of people a year.

Family Circus, 8/16/14

You might think that Dolly is being a dolt about how day, night, and the various bodies in our solar system relate to each other, but she’s actually 100% right: it’s two in the afternoon and the “dark” is the construction paper Mommy and Daddy have used to block all the windows in the Keane Kompound, punishing the children for some minor act of disobedience with simulated eternal night. Sorry, PJ, but you won’t get to see the sun again until your older siblings show some halfway convincing repentance.

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Mark Trail, 8/6/14

Wow, you guys, in a totally shocking development that nobody could’ve predicted, Chris Dyer is totally in on this rhino-poaching business! Anyway, it’s kind of sad that nobody in the poacher camp is calling Chris “Dirty.” If you can’t count on your drunk, loutish, hirsute criminal associates to use the ridiculous attempt at a badass nickname you’ve picked out for yourself, who can you count on?

Judge Parker, 8/6/14

Sam may be grossed out by Gloria’s emotions, but now that she’s revealed her intention to raise human livestock, his lips are parting in excitement! Whether her helpless victims are grown in pens and fed a diet of high-fat slurry before being cooked and served as a delicacy to a very wealthy and discrete clientele or we’re talking about a free-range Most Dangerous Game-type scenario, he wants in.

Pluggers, 8/6/14

Pluggers can no longer keep up with cultural change, and also all their friends are dying.

Family Circus, 8/6/14

Noooooo Jeffy, He can hear you, He will punish us with terrible, scorching heat for your blasphemy

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The life of a second-string comics blogger isn’t all shootouts and fresh new characters. Most days it’s just slappin’ down the html and takin’ care of business:

Six Chix, 7/17/14

Like poking fun at an easy target:

Hey lady, “testing the limits of humor” usually means the upper limits.

Apartment 3-G, 7/17/14

Or two:

When Jack comes back on foot to lead the mare away, Tommie will regret having brought up the whole “glue” thing. Unless he takes Carol, too.

Gil Thorp, 7/17/14

Marking the return of cherished themes:

Hey, Kaz’s earring is back, and ready for its closeup! Hi, Mimi — how are the kids? Still enjoying 2005? Potatoes, again?

Slylock Fox (panel), 7/17/14

Reporting industry news:

Slylock Fox auteur Bob Weber Jr. has signed on with Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Enterprises LLC as a gag writer for Hägär the Horrible, and apparently has designs on drawing it, too.

Dick Tracy, 7/17/14

Keeping folks up to date on beloved comics:

“Daddy” Warbucks’ and Tracy’s crews look for Annie, last known to have been hostage to the Butcher of the Balkans, who The Great Am believes is now in touch with dangerous spy Axel. B.O. Plenty gets a letter with a vintage stamp and no ZIP Code, which gets passed to Dick, who recognizes the handwriting as Annie’s and the contents as the coded location of an abandoned island nuclear facility, to which he boats in the middle of the night.

Tracy wakes up in a hospital in Simmons Corners in June, 1944, recovering from shell-shock sustained at Anzio. Annie says they’ve known each other for years, and that he’s the main police presence in the town where she lives with Ma and Pa Silo.

Tracy seems to have disappeared from the present. An informant tells Warbucks his boss Axel had him collect the Butcher and Annie, but dies mysteriously before he can say where he took them.

Back in 1944, Tracy is discharged. Annie becomes alarmed when he says “there’s a war on”, thinking he believes what she apparently thinks is a charade. She visits Professor Kenyon, for whom she does chores, then gets a call at the Silos’ asking her to meet with the owner of the local newspaper — a Mr. Axel. Axel, a sinister sort, interrogates Annie about Professor Kenyon and his experiments, then sends her away to listen to the “Belinda” radio show, which seems to have a hypnotic effect on people.

Family Circus, 7/17/14

And, of course, slagging on little Jeffy Keane:

“Why no, Jeffy, I don’t know how he could say such a thing! You have totally achieved every bit of your full potential. There, there ….”

Update: Happy 40th birthday, Josh, and congratulations on completing The Enthusiast!

— Uncle Lumpy