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Marmaduke, 2/2/11

You know, there are some jokes that I feel like I do to death a bit on my blog, and I begin to think, “Oh, I’m really blowing what I see in this comic way out of proportion.” Among those jokes are my two main Marmaduke tropes: that Marmaduke is a flesh-eating hell-demon, and that his owner is Adolf Hitler. But then I see a panel like this and I feel entirely justified. I mean, look at the guy in the Lost and Found window! Does he look like someone mildly put out because a dog has somehow wandered into his workspace and the dog’s owner is making a little joke? No, he’s quavering in abject terror. The sweat, the grimace of pure panic — that’s how someone looks when confronted with a terrifying, slavering monster who’s stashed a dozen eviscerated corpses that it’s “found” all over the furniture, and is gazing with big-eyed affection at history’s most notorious mass murderer.

Ziggy, 2/2/11

Ha ha, that J.K. Rowling, what a money-grubber, am I right? Not like Ziggy, a franchise that’s all about artistic dignity, and that will wrap itself up with grace once Ziggy kills Voldemort or whatever. Boy, somebody’s bitter about something, I tell you what.

Mary Worth, 2/2/11

Oh my God, Dawn is addicted to the Internet! This is what happens when you let vicious technology pusher Jeff Corey interact with your daughters. Only a mature, strong-willed man can grapple with the info-beast that is the Internet and expect to come out a whole person.

Crock, 2/2/11

Is this … is this about porn? The soldier from the fort wants to check out porn, but is wearing a bag over his head because he’s embarrassed, and also the porn is already checked out? It’s interesting to discover that my impulse to force comics into making some kind of sense is more powerful than my preference to not under any circumstances think about the characters from Crock as sexual beings.

Family Circus, 2/2/11

“Mommy also told me I’m not a groundhog, so that’s got me bummed out.”

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Family Circus, 2/1/11

The thing I love about this Family Circus is how damn smug Jeffy looks. I’d like to believe it’s because he knows how stupid his brother’s chronological blather is, but you and I both know that Jeffy doesn’t have the brains God gave a bowling ball, so I’m guessing he’s probably anticipating dropping some of this hilariously misguided knowledge on his playmates, who will mock him mercilessly for it.

Jumble, 2/1/11

Is that one of the Simons from Simon and Simon, delivering the mail? He sure has come down pretty far in the world, which is probably why he’s thrusting those letters at this poor sap so angrily. Simon doesn’t care that you just inherited this house from your beloved mother and that those bills with her name on them break your heart, OK? Simon’s gotta work overtime to get his boat out of hock.

Panel from Mark Trail, 2/1/11

“…you see we are working on a story together … oh dear, my head appears to be stretching and melting like taffy. I think that means the mescaline is kicking in! I’ll talk to you both later!“

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Apartment 3-G, 1/29/11

It’s fun to watch Lu Ann’s high hopes for this relationship rapidly vanish. I imagine that her big dreams for a working-class guy who just up and kissed her the second time they met involved lots of hot sex and not really talking much. Now he’s whining about how he’s finally realizing at age 30 that maybe he shouldn’t live with his parents and that he’s fallen in love with some mouldering shanty in Losertown, N.J.; he also appears to be threatening to drop the L-bomb on Lu Ann, so you can see why she’s decided to fake a heart attack in the hopes that he’ll go away.

Spider-Man, 1/29/11

The Spider-Man arc just now wrapping up has been utterly delightful in its ridiculousness, but the final panel promises something even better. Perhaps, having seen up close what true love can be, Mary Jane will realize what a loser her husband is and finally dump him. How will our superhero deal with heartbreak? Presumably he’ll spend weeks moping around the house, complaining ineffectually and watching TV and … oh, wait.

Wizard of Id, 1/29/11

I once speculated that the Wizard of Id supported legislated health-care reform, but it’s now clear that the strip is taking a much more radical and troubling approach.

Family Circus, 1/29/11

Jeffy only has to ask this two more times, and if Daddy still doesn’t answer he gets to eat him!