Archive: Family Circus

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Beetle Bailey, 11/15/17

It’s really pretty hard to figure out what the saddest thing going on here is. Is it that the Army can’t accommodate the needs of its older officers and their touchy digestive/urinary systems? Is it that General Halftrack is so thoroughly dedicated to his job that he’s willing to piss and/or shit himself in public? Is it that he’s decided that wearing five adult diapers simultaneously is a good strategy, even though a little thought on the logistics of this would reveal that you’d pretty quickly need to get somewhere private to remove some of the layers, which negates the whole purpose of the move? Or is it that Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC feels a need to compete with Marvin in the piss play/scat humor space? Whatever you choose, I think we should all give kudos to the artist, who managed to sympathetically depict the true pathos and anxiety on General Halftrack’s face while simultaneously giving him a comically large diaper-padded ass.

Marvin, 11/15/17

Speaking of Marvin, it’s not true that all the strip’s characters are required to stew in their own feces or urine in order to amuse this feature’s dedicated readership. Technically, their contract just says they need to occasionally “soil themselves.”

Funky Winkerbean, 11/15/17

Oh, good news, beloved embittered dead comics book artist Phil Holt has now joined Dead Saint Lisa in Funkyverse purgatory, where you just follow your loved ones around all the time, even if that means you have to watch them fool around in a car. Since Phil’s only loved ones were his precious comics covers, he’ll be following them to wherever they’re gonna get auctioned off to, I guess. Anyway, I’ve always hoped that one of the benefits of moving on to the next plane of existence is that you get a certain perspective on and insight into our mortal world, but it’s tough to watch Phil learn that comic books really are for nerds.

Family Circus, 11/5/17

Ha ha, Jeffy has misunderstood something as criticism and is absolutely furious about it, and is seeking reassurance from an authority figure. He’s gonna go far in life, this one!

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Blondie, 11/13/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dagwood’s favorite lunch spot is infested with vermin!

Family Circus, 11/13/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because “the cloud” is a term used for distributed data storage services and figures into traditional western iconography of heaven, and also because Dolly lives in constant fear of an all-knowing deity who sees and remembers every one of her forbidden thoughts and actions!

Six Chix, 11/13/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because these two have stumbled onto an incredibly ancient creature from a vanished world, and they’re trying to figure out how to eat it!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/13/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Snuffy and Barlow punched each other in the face!

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Mary Worth, 10/27/17

Hey, guys, it’s Zak! Zak’s back! Remember how Iris dumped Zak, partly because she couldn’t stop thinking about Wilbur, but also partly because he was too young for her and also kinda dumb? Welp, ever since Wilbur dumped her, Iris has had some chances to re-evaluate things, and here comes Zak, waltzing back into her life! And he got a haircut and a fancy job, or at least some reason to wear a suit, which means maybe he’s matured a little bit. Still got that sexy stubble, though! Everything’s coming up Iris!

Gil Thorp, 10/27/17

I feel like the Gil Thorp powers that be vaguely got wind of an ongoing controversy involving the national anthem and football, and decided to rip it from the headlines but also massage it into something as inoffensive as possible until it becomes this: Rick Soto’s Uncle Gary is putting together an astroturfing campaign to try to trick the school into letting Rick sing the anthem before the next home game, in an attempt to get him to “go viral.” No matter what our political beliefs, I think we can all agree that Uncle Gary should get off Rick’s back, jeez.

Family Circus, 10/27/17

That’s right, Dolly knows the truth: The government makes you get vaccines full of chemicals that keep you docile so you don’t question their authority, WAKE UP SHEEPLE

Six Chix, 10/27/17

Soooooo, are Dracula and Frankenstein gonna … eat those ghosts or what