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Curtis, 12/23/20

Good news, everyone! Curtis’s parents are going to cure coronavirus!

Funky Winkerbean, 12/23/20

Good news, everyone! Thanks to the internet, you no longer have to worry about the whole Funky Winkerbean gang showing up outside your house uninvited!

Crock, 12/23/20

Good news, everyone! Women have finally invented a beer mug with a hidden microchip in it!

Mary Worth, 12/23/20

Good news, everyone! Tommy has gotten a part-time job as a school monitor! I’m not sure what a “school monitor” is — is it a euphemism for an in-school cop like “resource officer,” or maybe someone who’s supposed to kind of act like an in-school cop but doesn’t have any actual legal police authority? — but if there’s one thing I know about teens and/or tweens, it’s that if the guy who used to give cringe-y anti-drug talks to their class suddenly popped up as a vaguely defined authority figure without much actual authority, the cruelty and bullying would be relentless. Excited to see Tommy go into a downward emotional spiral that brings him back to the pill bottle/meth pipe!

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Dennis the Menace, 12/22/20

Which interpretation of this scene do you find more menacing? That Henry and Alice put Dennis up to this, thinking “Ha ha, here’s this mall Santa probably hasn’t heard before! 2020, amiright?” Or that they put Dennis up to this, thinking “Well, we’ve tried everything else. Maybe that guy down at the mall really is Santa, or maybe he can talk to the real Santa, like he always tells Dennis. It’s worth a shot, right? Anything’s worth a shot at this point! Haha, 2020, amiright?”

Funky Winkerbean, 12/22/20

When Harry Dinkle finally, inevitably, dies — an event that will no doubt be equal parts mawkish, ironic, and ham-handed — I certainly hope that Becky stalks into his room at the hospice and hisses “Whatever else I’ve done, old man, at least I was never a Hitler to your Bismark,” to the confusion and consternation of his assembled family and loved ones.

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The Lockhorns, 12/18/20

A question that often bothers me about the Lockhorns: are the titular couples weird tiny gnomish people within the universe of the strip? Or are they of ordinary stature and drawn that way for comic effect? Evidence for both interpretations can be found in the strip, depending on the day! Today, we learn that Leroy, at least, is considered short, and is sensitive about it, and also that Loretta is willing to craft meals out of entirely incompatible foodstuffs just to irritate Leroy, which I deeply respect.

The Phantom, 12/18/20

PHANTOM RHINO UPDATE: I love that the Phantom’s rhino ally, having burst dramatically through the window, is now just casually standing around while the humans dispatch their enemies, lucha libre style. He’s ready to lumber into action in case a rhino-level adversary appears, but for now? He’s just keeping an eye on things.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/18/20

“And so we used the action figures as replacements for the band members. Huh. Well, it turns out this isn’t a very long story at all. Or an interesting one, for that matter!”