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Baby Blues, 3/13/20

Wow, why would you ask Wanda what she did on her big date night with Darryl if you already knew what they did on their date? And why is this whole community whispering together to keep track of Darryl and Wanda’s movements? I’ve been reading this strip for more than a year and this is only the third time I’ve been moved to comment on it, so trust me when I say they are not that interesting.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/13/20

This is Bull’s CTE buddy, who just got word from his doctor that his decline due to CTE is accelerating, and despite the fact that he has, I’m pretty sure, a wife of his own, after getting this news he decided to go hang out with Linda, who was widowed when Bull drove his car off a cliff, due to CTE. “These are the super-depressing videos Bull liked to watch in the years leading up to his suicide,” Linda says, “so if you’re trying to psyche yourself up to kill yourself, you can borrow them if you want.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/13/20

WE GET IT TILDY

DESPITE YOUR AGE, YOU’RE STILL A SEXUAL PERSON AND LOOK FORWARD TO AN ACTIVE EROTIC LIFE ONCE YOU AND ANDRZEJ ARE BACK TOGETHER

ACTUALLY ALL OF US WILL WITH ANY LUCK BE OLD SOME DAY SO THIS IS GOOD NEWS

THANKS FOR LETTING US YOUNGER FOLKS KNOW THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

ENJOY YOUR “WRASSLIN’” (VIGOROUS SEX WITH YOUR EX-HUSBAND)

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Blondie, 3/6/20

This strip is, in its own way, heartbreaking to me. When Dagwood hears about this fellow’s food-themed brood of nephews and nieces, he doesn’t think, “Wow, my co-worker’s brother sounds like a kindred spirit! Maybe I should reach out to this guy on Facebook, and we could be friends, connected by our common interest in — nay, obsession with –food!” But no, all Dagwood does is imagine ways that he could imitate or rival this man, apparently forgetting that he’s already named his daughter “Cookie.” Anyway, his neglect of human connection explains why his ostensible “best friend” is some guy who happens to live next door, whose relationship with Dagwood is mostly defined by the two of them refusing to return tools they’ve borrowed from one another and who was last seen trying to kill Dagwood with his car.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/6/20

Ha ha, can you imagine dong a whole week of non-jokes where the “joke” is that you keep putting off the actual joke, which, when it arrives, is almost guaranteed to not be funny? I guess the reason for having the janitor in the foreground in every strip is to emphasize that this is all straight-up garbage.

Family Circus, 3/6/20

OUTDATED THEOLOGICAL CONUNDRUM: Why does a loving God let bad things happen to good people?

MODERN, UP-TO-DATE THEOLOGICAL CONUNDRUM: When Jesus told us to love our neighbors, did he not know that our neighbors fuckin’ suck?

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Blondie, 3/3/20

So … if I’m understanding all the motion lines and stuff correctly, Herb is driving his car at full speed in reverse up the street, and everyone in the carpool is watching Dagwood run as fast as he can towards them, seemingly unable to stop despite the look of justified dread on his face? “It’s like our own Dag reality show!” says Herb, right before the rear bumper slams into Dagwood and shatters his pelvis.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/3/20

Shoutout to Funky Winkerbean for including a panel of an utterly dead-eyed janitor pushing his broom up the hallway as Harry natters on about squirrels. Apparently the “joke” of the strip, which is about how much of a squirrel’s frenetic survival-related activity ultimately goes for naught, wasn’t grim enough, so we needed to be reminded that someone in close proximity to our characters was well and truly miserable.

Mary Worth, 3/3/20

Jared Jared no you are being way too enthusiastic about this