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Archive: Gasoline Alley

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Wistful Sunday

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Dick Tracy, 4/21/19

Were you hoping we were going to find out what made “The Professor” tick? Did you think that there must be an interesting story behind an apparently successful sports columnist whose sense of professional pride led him to kill a series of gym teachers? Were you intrigued to learn more about the whole psychological deal that led him to obsess over his nickname? Well, too bad, because Dick pretty much figured out who he was right away and then gunned him down in an alley. I guess “The Professor” should’ve gotten his Ph.D. in marksmanship, so he could have at least winged Dick on the way out, or maybe in English, so that he didn’t embarrass himself by wildly misusing the word “ironic” as he expired.

Pluggers, 4/21/19

Wait, is this the first instance in history of pluggers being depicted as snobs? There are of course no channels on which programming is introduced by random drunk dudes wearing sweaty tank tops, but if there were, they would be immensely popular, and rightfully so.

Gasoline Alley, 4/21/19

Today’s Gasoline Alley is a cruel bait and switch because it allowed us to believe right up to the final panel that Rufus, one of the most irritating characters in an irritating strip, was dead.

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They have, like, apps for ordering pizza now, just putting that out there

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Dick Tracy, 2/1/19

Obviously Dick Tracy’s rogues gallery skews more towards “seedy underworld” than “powerful supervillains,” but this current plot, involving Splitface, who used to be Haf and Haf, is testing the limits of reader interest in seediness. A couple of hobos in an abandoned factory, arguing over who did more work in ordering a pizza? “I scraped up the money … I called the pizza delivery. Made the arrangements!” bellows Splitface, as if there are any more “arrangements” involved in ordering pizza than scraping up the money and calling in your order. This guy will definitely be a challenging opponent for Dick Tracy, whose only defense consists of dozens of cops, space-age gadgets, lots of guns, and a judiciary system that’s pretty cool about him killing suspects.

Gasoline Alley, 2/1/19

Desperate to keep up with the times and relate to the kids today, Gasoline Alley today reveals that Rufus and Joel’s omnipresent jugs are no longer filled with moonshine, but rather with moonshine’s modern equivalent, purple drank.

Mary Worth, 2/1/19

Is that the slightest hint of a smile Ian’s showing us in panel two? While being complimented by his students (or, really, anyone) is flustering and confusing for him, the position he finds himself in today — being cruelly berated for no good reason — is his comfort zone.

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Imagine how dire the QB situation must be for this to have even been contemplated

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Gasoline Alley, 1/4/19

One of the slow-burn running gags (“gags”) in Gasoline Alley is that Rufus, who I would describe as a “comically moronic rustic,” is in love with Mayor Melba, who is also his boss. It’s funny because he’s a comical moron, and she’s the mayor! Except today we learn that Melba herself is not terribly bright, or at least has some fairly specific deficits when it comes to language processing. So she and Rufus can be together after all! Hooray! This is great news for all those Melbus shippers Ruba stans people out there who are rooting for Rufus and Melba to get together, a constituency I have faith actually exists,

Mary Worth, 1/4/19

“But I am worried, Mary! Worried that I’m going to have to develop feelings for him! Is this what it’s come to? That I can’t just be married to Ian, but I have to like him, too?”

Beetle Bailey, 1/4/19

Who could forget the classic 1997 film Air Bud, with its hilarious and memorable catchphrase, “Ain’t no rules says a dog can’t play basketball!” Well, what if, in the subsequent scenes, the characters discovered that while technically there isn’t a specific rule preventing dogs from playing basketball or other organized sports, there are a whole host of rules — about minimum ages, regulation uniforms, ball-handling techniques, and the like — that dogs by their very nature are incapable of satisfying? Wouldn’t that be … even funnier? Probably, says Beetle Bailey!