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Gil Thorp, 8/14/17

Oh, so that’s what Jaquan meant by “backwards!” It looks like instead of the summer wackiness we crave, we’ll be getting … a 31-year-old pro basketball player with a bum knee suddenly deciding he wants to play an insanely physically punishing game that chews up its players’ bodies and destroys their brains? Sure, why not! At least he’ll have Heather on his side, a high school student and coaching dabbler who in just a few months last year helped linebacker Kevin Pelwecki achieve his dream of becoming a fifth-string quarterback, probably just so Gil wouldn’t have to listen to him whine anymore. Maybe this summer will be wacky after all, if you consider a long prelude to a debilitating concussion “wacky!”

Hi and Lois, 8/14/17

I find this comic honestly delightful! Look at how happy everybody is! I’m really enjoying the image of Lois explaining to Thirsty in a soothing voice, possibly while holding an ice-cold beer just out of reach, how four to six hours a day spent in a pleasant PBR haze on the couch flipping through the channels of the Flagstons’ premium cable package could be plausibly spun to Irma as “house-sitting.”

Crankshaft, 8/14/17

You know, I have to admit, while Crankshaft wasn’t at the top of my list of widely syndicated newspaper comic strips that I thought might do a piss-drinking joke, it wasn’t exactly at the bottom, either.

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Gil Thorp, 8/12/17

“Or maybe I’ve got that backward! Maybe, I wish basketball … coached her!” Or … right? Not sure what that means, and I’m also hoping pretty hard that it doesn’t mean that Jaquan has taken a liking to Heather, what with him being like 31 and her being in high school and all.

Panel two is yet another egregious colorist error, what with Trey being assigned Jaquan’s skin and jacket color in panel two despite the fact that he literally says Jaquan’s name in his dialogue. Then again, Jaquan’s right eye is also being swallowed up by his skintone in the final panel. Perhaps the very nature of the reality of the Thorpiverse is glitching, and everyone is about to find themselves swallowed up in sea of pleasing burnt umber.

Crock, 8/12/17

Hey, kids, don’t give up if the mysteries you submit to Slylock Fox get rejected! They can still use them in Crock, apparently?

Hi and Lois, 8/12/17

Like many teenage boys, Chip has little by way of sexual experience or skills, and his partners rarely achieve orgasm during their encounters.

Six Chix, 8/12/17

Today’s lesson from Six Chix: little kids are assholes!

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Gil Thorp, 7/24/17

It’s pretty clear what’s happened here: our hapless colorist, befuddled by Mudlarkian banter and unable to tell Trey Davis and Jaquan Case apart when Trey’s mohawk isn’t in view, and made the fateful mistake of emblackening Trey’s partially visible profile in the third panel. Still, it’d be a lot more interesting of Jaquan didn’t just have minor knee surgery, but also a dissociative personality disorder that results in multiple identities jockeying for control. “Maybe I’ll return to the NBA–” [much deeper voice] “IGNORE HIM” “No, I’m just–” “HE’S HAVING AN EARLY MIDLIFE CRISIS” “I can’t let this happen aga–” “KILL! KILL! KILL!”

Lockhorns, 7/24/17

I’ve always been comfortable actually having very little idea about how old the Lockhorns are supposed to be, but I’ve also always been sure that they’ve been somewhere in the 35 to 50 range. Today’s panel seems to undermine everything I thought I knew, though. Unless Leroy has made himself a fake ID so he can get senior discounts? That’s why he loves it. He’s proud to show off his handiwork!

Six Chix, 7/24/17

Ahh, yes, it’s the classic cartoon trope, where you do a riff on the stereotypical adultery discovery where someone blurts out “My wife … and my best friend!” after walking in on them in bed together. Lotta variations have already been done, though! So why not do one where a lady comes into the bedroom and apparently sees a dog having sex with a giant, nightmarish arachnid, a scene that apparently makes her smile slightly and flutter her lashes while the dog looks at her sheepishly and the tick writhes on its back under the covers? Why not do that? Why not print it in newspapers across the country? Why not let everyone know that you thought about it, and drew it, and think it’s funny?