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Gil Thorp, 11/21/23

Hey, remember earlier this year, when Gil Thorp did a ripped from the headlines story about about a player who got terribly hurt during a game, only unlike the headlines, where professional athletes refused to return to play, the high school students were forced to forced to finish the game while their friend might’ve been dying? Well, looks like it’s happening again, and this time the injured student is Coach Luke’s son, still playing for Valley Tech even after his dad had to take a job working for his hated rival Gil Thorp. Why do these gruesome injuries keep happening to Valley Conference players? Probably for the same reason that the games continue after the kids are medivac’d off the field: because none of the adults involved care whether the student-athletes live or die.

Mary Worth, 11/21/23

“Did you know that this huge, beefy hunk is also a man-whore, who has impregnated at least one woman, via sex? Do with that information what you will, though if what you’re going to do with it is masturbation or dissociative fantasies during your thrice annual marital encounter with Ian, please feel free not to tell me.”

Beetle Bailey, 11/21/23

I know Beetle is using “neat” in the first panel to mean “tidy” but it’s hard for me to not read it as just “good” in general. He likes beds! He spends a lot of time in them, and has come to appreciate the ones that are especially interesting or high-quality.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/21/23

Hagar and his warriors have all suffered battle wounds during their latest raid, and their loved ones are waiting for them as they return to Norway, doing their best to nurse them back to health. That’s not a joke or anything, just a thing that’s happening in this comic strip!

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Pluggers and Hi and Lois, 11/11/23

Happy Veterans Day, everyone! Do you think the United States is on the verge an apocalyptic war for national survival that will require us to call old men back into military service in a last-ditch and almost certainly doomed effort to fight back the overwhelming force of the enemy? Probably not, right? But still, it’s fun to keep those guys on their toes by hinting that it might be necessary in syndicated newspaper comics, their favorite form of media.

Gil Thorp, 11/11/23

Speaking of grizzled war vets, Gil Thorp apparently fought in the U.S. Army Air Force against the Luftwaffe during World War II, which means that he’s some sort of ageless immortal, which in turn has a lot of implications for any number of Gil Thorp plots. Like his slo-mo ongoing divorce, for instance: sure, it’s painful, but it’s something he has to go through every few decades, before his current wife starts to notice that he looks exactly like he did the day they got married.

Blondie, 11/11/23

Dagwood’s rich parents made sure he never got drafted into World War I or any of the wars that followed it, so no, Blondie will not be acknowledging Veterans Day, thank you very much. Anyway, a big problem with this strip is that the joke is supposed to be that Dagwood is hearing people use “beef” metaphorically and it makes him hungry for an all-beef hamburger patty, but then one of the speakers on TV is named “Mr. Burgomaster,” which kind of implies he’s already watching some kind of burger-themed entertainment, which muddles things, I think. Another problem with it is that it disrespects the troops.

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Crock, 11/3/23

A fun dynamic on this blog is that if I ever post anything to the effect of “Wow, this really makes no sense whatsoever, who on earth would do this/talk like this,” I will inevitably get at least one comment to the effect of, “Huh, Josh, actually if you weren’t a stupid American/coastal elitist/weirdo shut-in/feckless youth/cranky old man you would know that this is in fact very normal behavior, can’t believe you’re publicly embarrassing yourself like this.” But you know what, I don’t care, I don’t believe that anyone has reacted to the information that someone has bought a Harley-Davidson and the first thing they ask is what size Harley was purchased. I don’t believe it! There are many different model families of Harley and, it’s true, they do vary significantly by size, but I still don’t think that’s how you’d approach the question of finding out what kind of Harley your aged mother is has bought with her bingo winnings. Sorry! Roast me for saying this if you will! I gotta speak my truth!

Gil Thorp, 11/3/23

Say what you will about the comics as a medium, but if a TV show wanted to have a couple of of-the-moment superstars as guests, there would be tortuous negotiations and a lot of money changing hands, whereas a comic strip can just draw ’em and have them say whatever crazy shit you want. And since they’re public figures, they can’t even sue! Probably. “Hey, wasn’t this strip about vampires or something just a couple days ago,” you’re no doubt asking, and the answer is: no, wrong, that was a dream sequence, as opposed to today’s strip, where all the football players have hearts floating over their heads, which is definitely happening in real life.