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Dennis the Menace, 6/5/25

I know that “ha ha, this little boy is repulsed by the idea of heteronormativity” is one of Dennis the Menace’s go-tos, but to do a “Dennis says something inappropriate in front of strangers who have never been in the Mitchell household before and, after this incident, will never be there,” the stakes need to be higher. Like he should be saying this to a woman, or a couple, or should be saying “I’m gonna be a confirmed bachelor — that’s what my dad says you are!” As it is, this is just kind of a non sequitur that this random grown-up can smile and nod at before returning to his normal conversation with Henry. And honestly, this announcement is a little confusing! You’re going to be a bachelor when you grow up? What are you now, married? To whom?

Gil Thorp, 6/5/25

Ha ha, Keri’s just kidding! They’re not getting back together! Unless … why are they touching each other so much. With their hands. Their big giant hands. All the better to touch each other with! You know, sexually.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/5/25

Oh, man, what are the chances, Truck’s bastard kid is also a working-class musician??? In this strip?????? Incredible. What genres do you think he’s into? Roots country? Rockabilly? Surf guitar? Garage rock? It’s one of those, right? Those are the only ones?

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Gil Thorp, 6/3/25

I’m really coming to enjoy the on-the-nose “sound effects” that we’re getting during sports antics in Gil Thorp. Are “catch,” “swipe,” and “pass” onomatopoeiae? Well, they could be, if you kind of whisper them and hit the consonants exactly when the referenced action occurs. Anyway, the Mudlarks did it! They caught the ball! They all caught the ball, together! [whispers] CATCH

The Phantom, 6/3/25

Look, Kit, your dad is good at a lot of things. Punching? Definitely. Shooting people, with a gun? You bet. Maintaining enough muscle definition that he looks ripped even through a lycra suit, yet somehow remaining hydrated enough that he can do physical feats of derring-do? The dude practically invented it. But I’m not sure he’s the one to go to with questions about “does free will exist” or whatever. Call me an elitist if you must, but if a guy makes living in a cave and never letting anyone see his eyes so he can strike fear into the hearts of men into his whole deal, I don’t trust him on abstruse philosophical matters!

Hi and Lois, 6/3/25

I love how concerned both Hi and Lois look here. This is an extremely minor glitch in their comfortable suburban lives and yet they are straight up not having a good time! Probably there’s something deeper going on here that therapy could unpack, eventually. Anyway, it’s too bad they can’t hear Dawg’s cheerful thought balloon, because it might ease their all-pervasive anxiety, just a little, just for a moment.

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Crankshaft, 5/24/25

The wisteria guy from earlier this week is, as Uncle Lumpy remembers so I don’t have to, the former paramour of Lilian’s now-deceased sister Lucy; he used to dance with her at the Wisteria Ballroom, and then set up an overly elaborate proposal scenario that was to take place there that didn’t come off right and therefore their love was thwarted forever, to their mutual despair, which could’ve been avoided if he had been just a little bit normal about the whole thing. Anyway, the lady at the flower shop gave him some wisterias, which he wistfully put on Lucy’s grave, and now, mere minutes later, a maintenance guy is driving by to grab them and put them directly in the garbage. The terrible Funkyverse vibes are back, everybody! They’re back and they’re better than ever!

Luann, 5/24/25

Speaking of terrible vibes, Luann and the weird uptight guy she kissed behind a clipboard exactly once are apparently going to move into a tiny studio apartment together? There’s two ways this could go: the strip could finally approach young people’s sexuality in a straightforward way or it could do a ribald fanfic-style storyline where, uh oh! There’s only one bed!!!! I leave it as an exercise to the reader to figure out which possibility I find more likely.

Gil Thorp, 5/24/25

Hmm, in Kennedy v. Bremerton School District, the Supreme Court ruled that a public high school football coach could lead students in prayer on the 50 yard line after games, but the Milford administration thinks it can stop Coach Hernandez from peacefully using an Ouija board to contact a ghost in a school supply closet? “Lawyer up, coach!” is what the beloved dead “Pop(s)” is urging Luke, as he floats conveniently where Dr. Pearl can’t see him.

Beetle Bailey, 5/24/25

C’mon, man, the Beetle Bailey gang is in the army, and they have their own special forces units, like the Rangers. The joke should’ve been “Maybe I could’ve been an Army Ranger” “You’re more of a bear” and OK now I see why they didn’t go with that one.

Pluggers, 5/24/25

Pluggers are of an age at which they’re more prone to falling, and a fall could result in serious injury. They live in constant fear that such a thing could happen to them or their partners!