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Gil Thorp, 3/9/23

We all of course remember that time that Mudlark basketball star Ted Pearse was living in a homeless shelter and the fans of one of their rivals taunted him about it by dressing up as hobos, but I feel like we’ve mostly forgotten that Ted’s own teammates showed their support (?) for him by wearing masks so that they didn’t “catch homelessness.” Anyway, it looks like one of our current Mudlarks is, like Ted, in an economically precarious position, but sadly (for us, and, maybe for him?) the days of ostentatious Valley Conference theatricality are long behind us, so all we have is the new assistant coach blurting out “Damn, son, your shoes are all fucked up, like a poor person’s.”

Mary Worth, 3/9/23

Oh, sorry, do YOUNG ZOOMER veterinarians feel like they need to go to their “safe spaces” and engage in “self-care” after a hard day of putting dogs to sleep, like the girls with the nose rings on TikTok tell them to do? Well, their ELDER GEN X/BOOMER CUSP/NOT REALLY SURE HOW OLD ED AND/OR ESTELLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE uncles certainly don’t bother with that nonsense. “Burnout?” Ed says, the corners of his mouth tugging up into a smile but his eyes staying 100% dead. “Never heard of it.”

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Dennis the Menace, 3/7/23

You don’t spend [mumblety mubelty] years as The Comics Curmudgeon without endless little bits of comics trivia ending up jumbled up in your brain, to the extent that you don’t even know which are real and which your brain spawned on its own accord. Like, for instance, my first thought on reading this was, “Wait, isn’t Henry supposed to be an engineer of some kind? Or an architect? I’m pretty sure we’ve seen a drafting board in his office.” Maybe it’s true! Maybe one of my smart commenters will find the link to the relevant panel that I cannot. But even if it is, clearly such established continuity is less important than taking the opportunity to have Dennis menace his father’s masculinity vis-à-vis his class status.

Gasoline Alley, 3/7/23

Ida Noe is a creepy talking doll who is not a longtime aspect of Gasoline Alley continuity, but rather has just been around for a few months, which is just a blink on the geological timescale on which we measure developments in Gasoline Alley. Still, despite her shockingly recent introduction, hardcore Gasoliney Alley residents apparently need to be reminded of what her whole deal is, which is why she’s delivering the instant classic line “Ida Noe’s my name! Time travel is my game!” Last time Ida Noe used her powers of time travel, she brought our gang to Santa’s beach vacation, which I … guess is time travel? Of a sort? Anyway, maybe this time around she’ll take the kids to the future, when Walt has woken up from his nap.

Gil Thorp, 3/7/23

“But most importantly, no one got hurt. Which is definitely a thing that could’ve happened, when you have a bunch of teenagers competing to see who can lift more weight, showing off in front of a hooting audience of their peers! Ha ha, we really dodged a bullet there.”

Hi and Lois, 3/7/23

Good lord, these two women look exhausted. Sorry maintaining the basics of socially acceptable politeness while having a vaguely unpleasant interaction is so trying, ladies, but that’s the price of civilization!!!

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Mary Worth, 2/20/23

This upcoming court battle is going to settle an important precedent: can legal action be taken against someone for stuff they do in your hallucinations and dreams? Normally this would seem to be a slam dunk to get thrown out of court immediately, but I can see a judge learning about Wilbur’s whole deal and gruffly saying “I’ll allow it,” then saying the same thing when the jury somehow imposes the death penalty.

Beetle Bailey, 2/20/23

Wordle was made public in October 2021, and went viral a couple months later when the ability to turn your results into an emoji grid was added. In other words, Beetle Bailey has name-checked a popular culture thing a mere 14 months after it entered popular culture, which is really shocking for a strip that only started depicting the Army as racially integrated in 1970.

Gil Thorp, 2/20/23

“Kaz leaving was a gut punch for me. Devastating. Something I’ll never get over. My best friend, gone, leaving a hole that can never be filled. Oh, wait, you’re asking about the team? They don’t really give a shit. They’re teenagers! I honestly don’t think they can tell most adults apart.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/20/23

Can you imagine if a guy you’d been seeing casually announced that he’s moving to be closer to you, but then mentions that he’s also doing it to be closer to Buck Wise? That’d be a real emotional roller coaster, and one that by rights ought to end either with a breakup or a written agreement that you never have to be in a room with Buck for more than ten minutes at a time.