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Gil Thorp, 5/28/21

They say a happy marriage is one where each partner can still surprise the other, and by that definition my longtime partnership with soap opera comic strips has still got it. When this saga began at the library board meeting, little could I guess that it would lead here here, with a librarian gently letting a teen boy that she’s been acutely aware of his erotic assignations in the stacks, and looking over her glasses as she asks pointedly if he lacks for company tonight.

Hi and Lois, 5/28/21

Every once in a while, Hi and Lois likes to remind you that Beetle Bailey is Lois’s brother. Look, Chip has a picture of his Uncle Beetle on his nightstand! Also, it looks like Beetle has left the army and works for a fast food franchise now? Or maybe he’s joined a Communist army?

The Lockhorns, 5/28/21

I guess the joke here is that Leroy has made so little impression that his boss doesn’t even know his first name, but it’s pretty clear based on the banner that none of the underlings know their boss’s name either! Just a real sad lack of workplace camaraderie all around.

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Mary Worth, 5/19/21

“I certainly would not have formed a romantic liaison with this family had I known about the lapses in judgement lurking in your bloodline!” [throws on life jacket, pinches nose, pitches backwards out of the boat and into the sea]

Gil Thorp, 5/19/21

You ever think that the staff of the Milford Star, a non-student newspaper produced and read by adults, are a little too up-to-date on what the local teenagers are up to?

Pluggers, 5/19/21

Sure, it would make a plugger’s life easier in some ways if he allowed himself to form professional or personal relationships with people with non-Anglo-Saxon surnames. But a man has to have a code, you know?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/19/21

DAMN IT THIS JOKE DOESN’T WORK IF WE CAN’T SEE INSIDE THE CAVE

IT COULD BE REAL NICE IN THERE

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Dennis the Menace, 5/17/21

Look, the only time I want Dennis to say “Now he’s studyin’ for the bar” as a punchline is if he’s repeating some crack from his parents about their guest’s terrible drinking problem that he pretends he didn’t understand. But this? I honestly have no idea what this is. A true menace would maybe be running a scam where he dresses a fellow kid up in a suit and claims he’s a lawyer and dares adults to contradict him, going on a small-time reign of legal terror, but we all know Dennis doesn’t have the grit to pull off a plan like that. Anyway, this kid’s a real square-ass nerd and Dennis, the comic pages’ biggest “menace,” is his friend and real proud of him, I guess!

Gil Thorp, 5/17/21

Aw snap, today’s my favorite day of the season: when the team over at Gil Thorp HQ pulls the giant lever all the way over to “wacky!” It looks like in addition to going to high school and being on the baseball team and working odd jobs to help support his impoverished family, Zane is going to be running for the library board against his girlfriend’s dad so his girlfriend’s dad can’t put his “let’s shut down all the libraries” agenda into action. Can this be any good for his relationship, his grades, or his fastball? Probably not, but it’s good for drama, which is what I crave.

Dick Tracy, 5/17/21

Speaking of drama, just days ago someone tried to assassinate Dick and Sam’s protectee in broad daylight. But today? Today they’re going to enjoy the legitimate theater!