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Mary Worth, 10/13/25

OK, sorry, Mary, I know you don’t want to think too hard about the strange logic of Olive’s powers and the implications for free will and the nature of time itself, but what Olive’s saying doesn’t make any sense. Oh, she didn’t have a feeling of doom before the balloon crash, because it all worked out in the end (due to her psychic powers, not her prophetic powers)? So how do her visions sometimes help change the future? What about the time she was able to stop Mary from being killed by a falling air conditioner? That scenario had a happy ending, and yet … wait. Did Olive have the unmistakable feeling of doom because Mary survived? Holy shit. Holy shit. This whole thing just got a lot more twisted.

Herb and Jamaal, 10/13/25

Hey, Jamaal, I don’t think … anyone thinks baldness is a curse from God? Why would you even bring this up? Sounds like someone’s actually just overcompensating for some internalized baldophobia and you need to do some work on yourself and your self-image.

Luann, 10/13/25

Big news, everyone! Bernice and Luann have been Consumed by some kind of mysterious Portal. More on this story as it develops, if it turns out to be interesting (it won’t).

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Shoe, 10/11/25

OK, the fact that this person she dated is named “Lance” pushes this over the edge and makes me genuinely wonder if he’s supposed to be an actual knight. And before you say “Ha ha, Josh, don’t be silly, it’s clearly just an extended metaphor,” remember that these people are all birds! We’re off the map of human reason here! There could be knight birds, you don’t know.

Herb and Jamaal, 10/11/25

Mortal! Do you wish to get the merest glimpse of what it would be like for your soul to be tortured forever, in hell? Well, check out Rev. Croom’s breath, or, depending on the implications you’re getting from this strip, farts.

Blondie, 10/11/25

Yeah yeah yeah, we get it, Dagwood, you have an eating disorder

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Omigosh you guys it’s the very last day of the Comics Curmudgeon Summer Fundraiser! Hurry! Thank you!

Between Friends, 8/15/25

Way back during the dot-com boom I joined a startup with a business model only slightly less speculative than the espresso-martini distillery Susan’s so pumped about. It ended in the predictable way. But at least my decision wasn’t based on the prospect of lounging at home getting hammered on the product (semiconductor futures contracts, how would that even work?).

Flash Gordon, 8/15/25

I am mildly claustrophobic, and if somebody came along and freed me from days of imprisonment in a tight steel helmet I would probably react pretty much the way enslaved factory worker Edda does here. Don’t judge me!

Breaking Cat News, 8/15/25

I read Breaking Cat News every day. In my defense, sometimes a fella just needs a break between Luann and Crankshaft, you know? Usually it’s just cats reporting on news of significance to cats: Lupin is stuck in a drawer, There’s a cricket somewhere in the apartment, Breakfast is MISSING, that sort of thing.

But boy, things have sure taken a dark turn. The Woman is fostering bunny Miss Elizabeth while the Quinn Animal Shelter rebuilds after storm damage. Elizabeth may or may not (rabbit genealogies are complex) be descended from a colony of rabbits freed from Grimtech Labs in a daring rescue a while back. The experimental history of those now-feral rabbits left them with glowing red eyes, lunar cycle entrainment, and other signs of metamorphosis; the cats’ consensus is zombification. The Zombie Bunnies returned at full moon, claimed not to know Miss Elizabeth (but then rabbit genealogies are complex), gnomically announced “time is running out,” and disappeared. In other news, “zombie” is apparently an acceptable term, but “witch” is not. Supernatural etiquette is hard!

Pajama Diaries, 8/15/25

OK look I realize now that’s a trademark symbol but it sure looked like an apostrophe at first and I thought this strip was heading in an entirely different direction, GPS or no. Apologies!

Herb and Jamaal, 8/15/25

Reverend Croom apparently thinks Jeffrey Epstein should have been released and his files published so an angry mob would tear him limb from limb. New Testament words; Old Testament justice.

Mary Worth, 8/15/25

Olive’s Mean Girl classmates shun and bully her because of her oh-so-special precognitive gifts. So her saving a drowning classmate precisely because of those gifts would make for a taut, satisfying resolution to their conflict. But this is Mary Worth, so the special gifts in play here are “looks at stuff” and “took swimming lessons.”

Just a reminder that there are no Comments of the Week on my watch, so Tabby Lavalamp’s tart Neddy Spencer put-down gets to ride up there another week. Hooray!

—Uncle Lumpy