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Spider-Man, 5/27/15

Oh, look, Spider-Man is literally snooping on his former best friend’s confidential psychotherapy session, listening in as Harry weepingly describes his grief over his father, whom Spider-Man killed. And what’s going through Spidey’s head in this fraught emotional moment? “You know who was great as Batman? Michael Keaton! Clooney and Kilmer were jokes, of course, but I frankly think, despite all the hype, that Christian Bale was overrated in the role as well.”

Beetle Bailey, 5/27/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because the hair on the back of General Halftrack’s head looks like a butt! Also, the face on the front of his head shows us a look of deep despair as he realizes that he’s entirely superfluous, and the institution to which he’s dedicated his entire life has no use for him anymore!

Mark Trail, 5/27/15

“Rusty sure is going to be excited when he sees these two little beavers! Hey … those ducks give me an idea … I’ll get Rusty excited about these little beavers, then make him watch as I set them free in the lake, ensuring that he’ll never see them again! The ducks gave me the idea because everyone knows ducks are assholes.”

Herb and Jamaal, 5/27/15

“Heh, my wife may have a serious problem with compulsive shopping! Am I going to say anything about it? No. Am I going to smile smugly while I silently engage in wordplay? You’d better believe it!”

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Six Chix, 5/19/15

Congratulations, Six Chix: you’ve set a new record for fastest ever transition from “intriguing setup for a sexual scenario involving a sex toy or perhaps a friend” to “dear God these poor women need to huddle with domestic animals for warmth because they can’t afford to adequately heat their home.”

Pluggers, 5/19/15

Haha, yes, pluggers still form the strong social community bonds that create the trust necessary for informal financial lending networks like this, but make no mistake: pluggers will also be 100% very much cashing their actual government-issued Social Security checks as soon as they’re available.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/19/15

Herb needs to vacuum the rug because it’s littered with corpses.

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Spider-Man, 5/7/15

Oh hey remember how MJ mysteriously wasn’t in the hotel where Spider-Man had dropped her off, which meant she could’ve been in mortal danger? Ha ha, turns out nope, which Spidey could’ve very easily determined by using the tracer he put on her clothes, rather than going through all the rigamarole with the hotel clerk. All he has to do now is not startle his wife into thinking he’s some kind of scary pervert! [Panel three: Spider-Man 100% fails at not startling his wife into thinking he’s some kind of scary pervert.]

Marvin, 5/7/15

You know the only thing lazier than setting up a speech or joke or any creative work with a dictionary definition? Setting up a week’s worth of jokes with the exact same dictionary definition. Still, kudos to Marvin for not breaking out the poop joke variation on this thing until Thursday!

Herb and Jamaal, 5/7/15

Jamaal, he’s literally clenching his fists and smiling cruelly and bellowing “power.” I’m pretty sure which direction he’s planning on going with it.