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Hi and Lois, 11/15/18

The thing I honestly love about this strip is that it’s taking Ditto’s emotions extremely seriously. Look at the genuine panic and despair he’s experiencing in panel one! Check out how tightly he’s gripping his hands together as he begs for sanctuary in panel two! In contrast, Dot and Thirsty are both just slouching casually, their hands thrust into their pockets, like a couple of people without diagnosable anxiety who know that cookie jars go for like $20 to $30 on Amazon.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/15/18

OK, guys, I’m officially giving up when it comes to actually fitting together the various aspects of Wally’s story that I half remember or understand. Like, I do have vague memories of him adopting a daughter from Afghanistan, and I guess this was before he joined the army and went to Iraq and then was held prisoner in Iraq by … somebody? … for ten years and everyone thought he was dead? I’m not sure how Rana fits into that story precisely, but based on the fact that they’ve seen each other recently enough to recognize one another but don’t seem to realize that they’re both attending college at the same school, their relationship is clearly going great!

Marvin, 11/15/18

“Oh, people don’t like comics where Marvin voids himself into his diaper and are begging for him to be potty trained? Fine: here’s a comic where Marvin is pissing into his potty while making a joke about ‘streaming.’ We’ll draw him to make it very clear that he’s not wearing diapers, just to give you a vivid sense of exactly what’s happening that you can’t ignore.”

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Hi and Lois, 11/10/18

Wait, but … Beetle Bailey and the Flagstons exist in the same universe! Beetle is Lois’s brother! The kids know him! Have they become suddenly and horrifyingly aware of their own status as cartoon characters? Will they attempt to escape, breaching the walls between dimensions and invading our own reality? God help us all!

Hagar the Horrible, 11/10/18

“Also, I’m a member of a murderous Viking warband. We fight people all the time, as we try to steal their precious belongings to bring back to Norway! But, as mentioned, I also hate myself. Is this … is this the kind of thing girls like? Talking about being a murderer with self-loathing? Does this make me ‘complicated?’”

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Crock, 10/10/18

Ha ha, yes, it’s funny because Crock appears to be suggesting that poor Barlow be fitted with a chicken liver, a ghastly parody of a medical procedure that would surely result in his death. But check out Orville in the final panel, who appears to be using dark magick to animate a severed hand to perform menial labor for him. Maybe he’s a man who could transform a chicken liver into an organ that could keep a human alive! Who could possibly set limits on the capabilities of this powerful wizard?

Hi and Lois, 10/10/18

Trixie is, of course, an eternal infant, trapped in comic-time amber for half a century and presumably doomed to stay there for a half century more, assuming newspaper comic strips are still around for that long (they will not). So it’s not a surprise that her fully adult mind has become all sick and twisted inside her forever soft baby skull. Yes, it’s good that her parents keep her confined behind closed doors; if she were allowed to escape, she would truly “mess up” the world with her terrible and well-earned wrath.

Hagar the Horrible, 10/10/18

I was going to make this one in my continuing series of jokes about “ha ha, Hagar recently converted to Christianity but doesn’t fully ‘get’ it,” but then I remembered … most of the history of Western civilization? Then I got real sad.

Spider-Man, 10/10/18

Oh no, Spidey and Iron Fist punched the helicopter they were dangling off of, damaging it enough to interfere with its ability to fly, probably leading to their fiery deaths! Who could’ve possibly predicted this outcome? Oh, literally anybody? OK!