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Spider-Man, 12/17/17

So I guess it’s true, Dr. Connors really doesn’t know Peter Parker is Spider-man! Fortunately, he’s been savagely RRONGK?ed on the leg and so can’t pay attention to whatever’s going on around him. I personally have never been subject to a leg-RRONGK?ing, but I find this slightly unbelievable! Maybe I’m overestimating my own stamina and ability to focus, but I feel like even if I had some mid-level lacerations in my lower extremities, I’d notice if a guy three feet away from me loudly announced he was Spider-Man and then took off his shirt and it turned out he was wearing the Spider-Man outfit and then he fought the Hulk, proving he was Spider-Man!

Also, I get that Newspaper Spider-Man is trying to capture some of the magic the Hulk brought to Thor: Ragnarok as a super-powered sidekick to the title character, but why call him an “abomination” in the narration box? That’s just disrespectful to your guest star.

Pluggers, 12/17/17

Pluggers live their lives surrounded by increasingly nonfunctional garbage.

Hi and Lois, 12/17/17

Is Christmas about the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ? Or is it about elaborate sexual roleplay? The culture war around the holidays continues unabated.

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Hi and Lois, 11/8/17

One of the true underrated tormented souls in the comics is Trixie, who has a fully adult mind but has been trapped for more than half a century in an infant’s body, unable even to vocalize her thoughts and communicate with others. So it shouldn’t be surprising that she’s had decades to contemplate the nature of her tiny, awful flesh-prison and go down some very dark paths. What if a person had two mouths? What if they had no mouths? What if mouths weren’t a right, but a privilege granted based on good behavior? We would recognize the vile as they walked the earth with a smooth, unbroken face, and the virtuous for their multiplicity of mouths, all yawning and babbling independently of one another.

Mark Trail, 11/8/17

Hey, kids, were you looking forward to Sideburns Sherriff pumping hot lead into the bald bank robber? Well, too bad, his precious gun glitched! I guess this shows the benefits of using normal, modern firearms of the sort typically issued to law enforcement officers rather than theatrically old-timey rifles. Anyhoo, Pilot Ponytail is now parachuting conveniently into position behind the sheriff, so it looks like evil’s about to triumph.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/8/17

Say what you will about Marvin’s solid decade-plus of doing almost nothing but jokes about peeing and pooing, but I’m pretty sure that strip’s never actually depicted a turd before. Congrats (?) to Mother Goose and Grimm for being the innovator!

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Spider-Man, 10/26/17

Aww, isn’t that poignant — Spider-Man wishes he could use his superpowers to win battles against not just mutants and space aliens and mad scientists, but against sadness. If it makes you feel any better, Spidey, most of us don’t actually call you a super-hero.

Hi and Lois, 10/26/17

Ditto often strikes me as the happiest member of the Flagston clan, and today’s strip offers great insight into his secret: he keeps his expectations extremely low.