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Marvin, 10/1/15

I definitely would’ve loved to have been a fly on the wall for the comics syndicate editorial meeting that settled on the phrasing “Increase your poopy diaper output.” I mean, come on, Marvin, we know what you want to say. Increase your poop output. INCREASE THE AMOUNT OF POOP YOU OUTPUT FROM YOUR BUTTHOLE. HAVE THE COURAGE OF YOUR CONVICTIONS AND SAY IT, YOU MONSTER.

Hi and Lois, 10/1/15

I genuinely love the huge frown on Dawg’s face in this strip. Normally he just frolics with Trixie and her innocent little delusions. He doesn’t have the heart to be drawn into Ditto’s awful web of lies.

Pluggers, 10/1/15

Like he-pluggers, she-pluggers have memories good enough that they can recognize price inflation, but not so good that they can recognize improved buying power for average wages.

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Hi and Lois, 8/19/15

As a baby, Trixie is just learning how the world works. This is what she’s learned today: anything made of organic matter eventually dies and rots. There’s only one friend that will last long though to meet Trixie’s emotional needs: the sun, an incomprehensibly vast ball of atomic fire that will sear our tiny world for billions upon billions of years.

Blondie, 8/19/15

Haha, yes, remember recently when Facebook implemented this extremely brand new feature? You know, back in April of 2013? I’m not sure what’s the saddest backstory for what happened here. Did the Blondie creative team just now noticed that they could add these dumb little things to their Facebook statuses, months after everyone else got bored with them? Did this joke only now occur to them, and they felt a need to call Facebook emoticons “new” so it would still seem relevant, somehow? Is the strip written and queued up more than two years in advance, and no variation in order is permitted, not even to keep topical jokes topical? I prefer another explanation: Blondie is created by a cabal of Old Ones, who have always existed and will always exist Beyond Time. To them, two years is but an infinitesimal instant, less time than it would take them to blink, if they had eyelids, if they had eyes.

Beetle Bailey, 8/19/15

We’ve never seen General Halftrack’s office from this angle before, and now we know why: it’s depressing as shit. Just blank walls, no furniture, no art, and a bunch of scattered golf balls. No wonder he drinks.

Funky Winkerbean, 8/19/15

♬ Hey Cayla ♬ I know when that’s gonna happen ♬ It’s neveeeeerrrr ♬

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Hi and Lois, 8/17/15

Huh, I always wondered what Lois’s skeletal, mostly noseless face reminded me of:

Anyway, Lois is trying to kill her husband, I guess, for his birthday!

Crankshaft, 8/17/15

Remember when the State Fair was a place of excitement and family bonding? Now you just walk around in sullen silence. Even the carnies look depressed.

Pluggers, 8/17/15

Considering how big that pill is, pluggers should probably be taking some kind of eyesight pill, too.