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Mark Trail, 6/30/15

OK, so, that shark that Ken was all excited to catch? Well, he wasn’t going to kill it, he’s not a monster, he loves animals just like his beloved squirrel-feeding Kelly does. Ken just wanted to best the shark in combat so he’d feel like a big man, but then he was going to throw it back. That’s why it’s super disappointing that this shark he caught is already dead! This dead shark has Mark Trail written all over it, which I assume means that Ken’s going to call in Mark to solve the Mystery of the Dead Shark, which is probably going to boil down to “Hey, uh, Ken, sometimes sharks die, you know?”

Hi and Lois, 6/30/15

“How can something that seems good to me not always be good in all cases?” Trixie will be stuck in the body of a baby, which makes her halting moves towards an adult understanding of the world all the more heart-rending.

Dennis the Menace, 6/30/15

Always the smart one, Margaret recognizes that her entire universe is built out of worn-out tropes and borrowed memes. The true menace is the crushing banality of it all.

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Hi and Lois, 6/29/15

As Hi and Lois slowly retreats to its retro roots, the Thurstons are also starting to fulfill their role from a less genteel age: not only is Thirsty an unpleasant drunk once again, but the childless couple are also depicted as being just a little less classy overall than the Flagstons, and I mean “classy” as in economic class. Sure, they live in an identical suburban house next door, but there are hints. That patch on the chair, for instance: Lois would never permit anything so shabby in her home! The family dynamic that has Irma doing yoga in the living room of what I assume to be a multi-bedroom house specifically to annoy her husband is another issue altogether, as is the fact that Hi immediately says “that’s good, right?” to Thirsty’s announcement.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/29/15

Ah, let’s check back in with Cindy’s story, which it’s my understanding is about … how young people are terrible to old people? Hmmm, something seems off here, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Heathcliff, 6/29/15

Ooh! Ooh! I know! He got them from a genie! Man, I’m really enjoying Heathcliff’s new arc-driven storytelling style.

Pluggers, 6/29/15

“Wow, this section is full of misdirected lower-middle-class cultural resentment! Wouldn’t want you reading any of that.”

Crankshaft, 6/29/15

Don’t you miss the good ol’ days, when a soldier could be violently beat up day after day in the comics and no meddling politicians would disapprove?

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Dennis the Menace, 4/30/15

I was going to make some kind of joke along the lines of “the divide between rewarded and unrewarded work under capitalism is still gendered and that’s the TRUE menace” here but then I noticed that Henry doesn’t even have a keyboard for his computer, just a mouse. What does he do for a living, like … click on things? Jesus, I hope he isn’t getting paid much for this.

Hi and Lois, 4/30/15

“How can a box ring a doorbell?” asks Dot, watching the Amazon drone buzz off. “How can we call a company a job creator when it works harder and harder to replace all its employees with robots? What good will my inefficient fleshy body be in the post-human future?”

Pluggers, 4/30/15

Pluggers know that chickens can perceive a much broader range of colors than dogs can, and divide fashion responsibilities accordingly. Do you think those pants look blue, with your human eyes? The dog knows better. The dog knows chickens see what we can’t.

Marvin, 4/30/15

Look, it’s not like King Features wants to publish a comic where every punchline is about a baby shitting himself, OK? It’s just … it’s Marvin. He can’t be stopped. He can’t help himself. Look, he’s seized control of the comic and is now penning his own “diaper diary.” “Today I had a conflict with my mother,” he writes. “And I got revenge by shitting myself.” Presumably this same joke-form will be repeated daily for years, for decades, while the civilized world begs for some kind of sanity to no avail, until the Earth is a burnt-out cinder.