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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/25/15

Ahh, vacation time with the Morgans — two weeks of nothing but free food, drink, and fishing-themed sexual innuendo.

Dick Tracy, 7/25/15

Wave roses around, covet Space Coupes, brand a few minions on the face with a “B” and it won’t be long before people ask, “Say, do you suppose this ‘Mr. Bigg’ is actually beloved insane villain ‘Mr. Bribery’ from Dick Tracy’s beloved insane “Descent into Madness” period, the mid-1960’s?” Bribery was supposed to have died on June 26th, 1967, but today’s Bigg Reveal casts doubt on that.

Bribery is a bad man even by the standards of Dick Tracy villains, and let me tell you that’s pretty bad. You can read for yourself about his exploits, cigar-smoking cat, and much more on the lovingly maintained and informative Dick Tracy Wiki.

Bribery has long been obsessed with getting hold of a Space Coupe, even though the only one now in human hands was last seen carrying Dr. Sail, Dr. Ghote, “pilot” Flash Munro, no food or water, and very little oxygen toward Jupiter on a collision course. So that one’s probably out of reach. Kidnapping Diet Smith to build him a new one is Plan “B” (bwahaha).

Hi and Lois, 7/25/15

Hi’s wife is his boss. Thirsty’s wife is his enemy. Hypothesis: Thirsty and Irma are happier than Hi and Lois, and enjoy far better sex.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Crankshaft, 7/2/15

OK, wait, HOLD UP, the lady in the wheelchair who was glumly gathering signatures last week is the waitress from the diner? The one who generally regards Crankshaft and his gaggle of almost certainly ill-tipping friends with mingled contempt and ennui? The one who, I’m really pretty certain, is standing up when she’s serving them endless free coffee refills? Did I miss a pretty major plotline, or is Ralph’s campaign trotting out a fake paralyzed woman to drum up support for his plan for wasteful government spending on roads that are already perfectly good?

Hi and Lois, 7/2/15

Being a syndicated newspaper cartoonist isn’t as influential a gig as it once was, but one thing’s still true: if you think you got screwed by a service worker, you sure get to tell a lot of people about it.

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Mark Trail, 6/30/15

OK, so, that shark that Ken was all excited to catch? Well, he wasn’t going to kill it, he’s not a monster, he loves animals just like his beloved squirrel-feeding Kelly does. Ken just wanted to best the shark in combat so he’d feel like a big man, but then he was going to throw it back. That’s why it’s super disappointing that this shark he caught is already dead! This dead shark has Mark Trail written all over it, which I assume means that Ken’s going to call in Mark to solve the Mystery of the Dead Shark, which is probably going to boil down to “Hey, uh, Ken, sometimes sharks die, you know?”

Hi and Lois, 6/30/15

“How can something that seems good to me not always be good in all cases?” Trixie will be stuck in the body of a baby, which makes her halting moves towards an adult understanding of the world all the more heart-rending.

Dennis the Menace, 6/30/15

Always the smart one, Margaret recognizes that her entire universe is built out of worn-out tropes and borrowed memes. The true menace is the crushing banality of it all.