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Archive: Hi and Lois

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Walker-Browne Amalgamated Existentialist Hell LLC

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Hi and Lois, 2/18/15

“Why are there three marks?” Hi asked, his smile tight, and fake. Trixie — well, you couldn’t expect her to know. Obviously. But Lois … well, surely Lois knew, right? Surely Lois knew that Chip had been in high school for decades, that Dot and Ditto had been locked in just-prepubescent sibling rivalry eternally, never moving to the next stage. Surely she knew Trixie wasn’t getting any bigger. None of them was ever going to change, or end, or begin anew.

Mary Worth, 2/18/15

“Why wouldn’t she react well to the news? She’s gaining me, a man who she’s never met and who’s only been romantically involved with her mother briefly, as someone who refers to himself as her father!” I hope you all appreciate what a fantastically solid Mary Worth storyline we have going right now, guys.

Spider-Man, 2/18/15

“I just wanted to grab on to this flying, rapidly spinning circular saw blOW OW OW OW OW OW OW”

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Hot hot city hall lovin’

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Mary Worth, 2/14/15

Say what you will about Mary Worth — say, for instance, that it has committed the worst kind of epigraphic sins, which is throwing up some blurge you found online and just putting “Author Unknown” at the end of it, because if you’re going to use this quote torn so far out of context that you can’t even tell who wrote it, what even is the point of using a quote at all, and anyway about five minutes of Googling would connect the quote with reasonable certainty to Germaine de Staël’s 1806 novel Corinne … wait, what was I getting at? Oh, right, Mary Worth. It has its problems! But you have to respect the fact that this whole Hanna’s-failing-vision-unexpectedly-finds-her-a-love-connection plot has been carefully timed to present us with a delightful Valentine’s Day treat: a storybook wedding! I’m assuming your storybooks include a bored government functionary mumbling vows off of a piece of paper while failing to make eye contact with you, and a bookcase full of dusty municipal codes that nobody’s looked at in years.

B.C., 2/14/15

Meanwhile, over in B.C., Grog is going to … fuck a tumbleweed, I guess?

Hi and Lois, 2/14/15

Thank goodness Hi and Lois is here to show us what this day is really about: no-strings-attached sex between teenagers. Have a romantic weekend, everybody!

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And then there are awful limbèd clams

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B.C., 2/11/15

You know, when I first saw this strip, my immediate thought was “Gosh, I never really expected B.C. of all strips to go in for stomach-churning body-transformation horror.” But then, this is the strip that has an ostensibly human character who is little more than a lumpy, hair-encrusted spheroid fronted with a terrifyingly huge face and ringed with stubby protruding limbs, so maybe it shouldn’t be that surprising.

Mary Worth, 2/11/15

It’s true! Young people would probably wonder to themselves, “Should I wear a mint green suit to my wedding? What would people think?” Whereas once you’ve become a seasoned, experienced older gentleman like Sean, you know that you look fly as hell in that jacket, and fuck the haters.

Hi and Lois, 2/11/15

Lois has been scouring the fine print on banking brochures and has discovered that her bank offers an interest rate that returns a penny less per $10,000 per year than its competitors. She’s probably real fun at parties!