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Blondie, 6/27/12

It’s always the glasses-wearing nerdlinger in the office who’s the first to clue you in on how to use cutting-edge high-tech stuff like “Google search” for work.

Ziggy, 6/27/12

Ziggy’s parrot has taken the liberty of whiting out all the typos in the newspaper, with bird poop.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/27/12

A hitherto unexplored source of Funkyverse misery: local law enforcement is willing and able to dish out brutal beatings to anyone who even hints at DUI or illegal alcohol production.

Hi and Lois, 6/27/12

I originally read Trixie’s “I hope Dawg can wait that long” as a poignant reminder that our pets’ lifespans are shorter than ours, and that Dawg might not still be around by the time Trixie is old enough to take him for a walk. But then I realized it was just a joke about how Dawg is about to pee all over the rug.

Gil Thorp, 6/27/12

Man, with all the exciting teen pregnancy action, Gil Thorp neglected to tell us that the boy’s baseball team was on the verge of winning a championship! Don’t worry, though, they didn’t.

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Panel from Mary Worth, 6/24/12

“We’ll visit several wonderful places before going to Milan. Milan isn’t wonderful at all, of course. It’s basically a big pile of garbage. ‘Garbage town’ is what I like to call it. That’s where we’ll be staying most of our time in Italy. I can’t wait!”

Judge Parker, 6/24/12

The best part of this strip is the hilarious final panel, of course, but I do think it’s made even more hilarious by Sam chatting smugly on the phone just a few feet away. “What’s that, Honey? You hear a series of wacky Three Stooges-style noises getting progressively fainter? Huh, we must have a bad connection or something.”

Panel from Hi and Lois, 6/24/12

“Want to sit down and reminisce with me? Want to feel the crushing weight of nostalgia pressing you down into the couch, the ennui of times past making you so enervated that you can barely hold your eyes open, barely move forward into the future because you’re being dragged under the waves of time by the enormous anchor of the dead past?”

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Hi and Lois, 6/6/12

There’s really something quite poignant about today’s Hi and Lois. I mean, don’t we all to various degrees believe that, if only we achieve a goal that’s within sight, everything in our lives will get better? If only I got that raise, I wouldn’t be in debt all the time (never mind that your spending tends to expand to match your salary). If only I would fall in love with someone, I wouldn’t be so unhappy (never mind that long-term relationships take work and aren’t just a “happily ever after” fairy-tale ending). If only I weren’t an infant, if only my neuromuscular systems were coordinated enough to allow walking, why, I would be like an all-powerful god! Nothing would be denied me! Never mind that once you know how to walk, you’re expected to walk, with your parents refusing to just carry you all over. Plus Australia is thousands of miles away and surrounded by water. Basically, walking’s for suckers, kid, enjoy infancy while it lasts.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/6/12

Here’s a fun fact: Despite the fact that the Huns ruled a huge empire that dominated central Europe for decades, the Hunnic language was never recorded; the illiterate Huns used Romans as secretaries, who corresponded with other states in Latin and Greek. All we have of Hunnic are personal names and three nouns — not enough to even firmly place what language family it belonged to, let alone translate complex concepts like “surrendering.” Another fun fact: the Huns themselves were a relatively elite group within a multi-ethnic state; in battle, the Huns would have ridden on horseback, as that was the skill that allowed them such military success, and any foot soldiers like the ones depicted here would probably have come from subject peoples, like the Goths or Slavs. Yet another fun fact: the Hunnic empire broke up hundreds and hundreds of years before the advent of the Viking age. Today’s Hagar the Horrible is less historically accurate than I would have liked, is what I’m getting at.

Beetle Bailey, 6/6/12

Apparently General Halftrack’s decades of senility and incompetence have just been a front, covering up his now successful plan to seize control of the U.S. in a bloody coup and rule as military dictator.