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Hi and Lois, 5/15/25

Sorry, Hi: today’s teens would never try to read something and listen to something else simultaneously. Instead, they focus all their attention on one thing at a time so they can truly be present in the moment with a text or song. They call it “monotasking” and it’s an explicit rejection of the brain-scattered, information-overload world that your generation (Xennials) created. Get with the times, old man!

Gearhead Gertie, 5/15/25

The ironic thing here is that Gertie obviously owns the NASCAR Official Collector’s Edition of Monopoly that Parker Brothers put out in 1997, but she refuses to open the shrink wrap because she thinks it will lose its value. Gertie, you can buy that game on eBay for $12! You gain nothing by annoying your grandson like this.

Shoe, 5/15/25

I really enjoy the dynamic here where the Perfesser announces that he wants to do something fun that might be a little outside his comfort zone, and his boss, who he hates but is nevertheless spending his precious free time with, shits all over the idea. I assume that in panel two the Perfesser is getting a big whiff of Shoe’s cigar, which also must be pretty unpleasant for him.

The Lockhorns, 5/15/25

I like how downcast Leroy looks here. He knows this terrible pun is a subpar effort, but it’s all he can come up with, and what’s he going to do, not say something vaguely critical of his wife while she’s doing something she enjoys?

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B.C., 5/13/25

Remember a few months ago, when I criticized Mother Goose and Grimm for doing a take on the classic Far Side “I’m a cowboy!” vulture joke that was much, much more graphic and grim? Well, that strip looks downright cuddly now that we have one of the B.C. guys (yes, I know they have names, I do not know which is which and I will never put in the effort to learn) on his hands and knees in front of a skeletonized grazing animal of some sort, next to other scavengers, eyes glazed over, with big strips of rotting meat hanging from his mouth, while one of the other B.C. guys reacts in anger and horror at the animal he’s become.

Hi and Lois, 5/13/25

Look, in general I support perverts doing their thing, but you shouldn’t drag your nonconsenting realtor into it. “Hee hee, I wonder what the ghosts in this house will think when they watch us have sex, powerless to stop us because their spectral form cannot affect material reality!” Sickos. I hope you get outbid by BlackRock’s real estate arm making an all-cash offer.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/4/25

OK, obviously I was going to object that “Sunday school was awesome today!” is possibly the least menacing thing Dennis has ever said, but then I got to the big reveal of what he learned about: the pre-existence of souls, which was very explicitly anathematized by the Second Council of Constantinople in AD 553. Last I dwelled on the question, I had decided that the Mitchells were high church Episcopalians, but apparently they’ve since fallen in with some kind of Origenist cult.

Hi and Lois, 5/4/25

Not sure if some diktat has gone out to the comics to do jokes about how fun it is to read the comics in the newspaper, as God intended, but I feel like today’s entry has been undermined by Chip’s legitimately exasperated attitude. You’re making a disaster of the fridge, Hi! It’s embarrassing when he brings girls over! Why not just add your favorites to your bookmarks on Comics Kingdom dot com, like a reasonable person?

Crankshaft, 5/4/25

Ha ha! Get it? April showers … bring May flowers? Get it???? Anyway, I hope these guys recognize Crankshaft’s many sins and choose to punish him with exile from the colony, or perhaps even hanging.