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Rex Morgan, M.D, 3/8/22

Ha ha, so, the funny thing is that Rex and June did some asking around that made it pretty clear that they were in fact very open to the possibility that Sarah plagiarized the Doggo Twins from her erstwhile teacher and then had amnesia about it! One assumes that, had they not been saved by the intervention of a kindly jailhouse snitch, their next move in their bid to save their clinic would have been to hold a press conference disavowing any relationship with or knowledge of a person named “Sarah Morgan.” “Morgan is an extremely common name,” Rex would tell any TV reporter willing to film him saying it.

Pluggers, 3/8/22

Look, fine, we’ve been hinting at since this feature debuted in 1993, but we’re just going to come out and say it: pluggers are constipated. OK? The “plug” in “pluggers” comes from the fact that their colons are plugged up. Are you happy now? Are you????

Hi and Lois, 3/8/22

“Am I supposed to look on my phone? Also, is this thing in my hand that I’m waving around a phone? Is this what phones look like now? Remember when phones were attached to the wall by a cord?”

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Crock, 2/19/22

Giant zipper running down the middle of the desert, revealing the Crock-world to be a baffling simulacrum that defies all attempts to make sense of it? Actually good — no, actually great. Best Crock ever, no notes.

Hi and Lois, 2/19/22

This is a middling joke on its own, but what makes it actually good is that you have to imagine the days and weeks of spiraling into drunken, dysfunctional madness that led up to this point.

Beetle Bailey, 2/19/22

Killer is about to get too horny and then die of a massive heart attack. To be clear, that’s actually a good thing.

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Mary Worth, 2/9/22

“Yes, it seemed that all hope was lost as I plunged into the cruel sea. But I lifted up a prayer to the Lord above to spare my life. ‘Please, heavenly Father,’ I asked, ‘let me live long enough to go to Toby’s next birthday party!’ Where is the birthday girl, anyway? Oh, she’s crying in the bedroom over her lost youth? Welp, more muffins for me, then, ha ha!”

Mark Trail, 2/9/22

Little does Wilbur know that when he took that plunge off the boat, he tore a hole right in the fabric of his own reality, splitting his soul in two! Sure, one half of him is back in Charterstone, right as rain — but the other, which must carry the weight of his misfortune, now haunts the nightmares of Rusty and all his little friends.

Daddy Daze, 2/9/22

Jeez, I know Daddy Daze has been getting increasingly depressing, but I still think that it’s a real escalation to do a week’s worth of strips where the Daddy Daze baby crushes the Daddy Daze baby by dropping a huge stuffed bear on him, and then the Daddy Daze daddy slowly dies, and then the Daddy Daze baby eventually dies of starvation as well.

Hi and Lois, 2/9/22

“When mommy just parks the car, puts San Diego in the GPS, and just sits there for an hour staring silently through the windshield, eventually sighing and turning the GPS off and going back home real slow? That’s less fun, I gotta say.”