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Judge Parker, 3/31/26

Ha ha, has this ever happened to you? After generations of coexistence with increasingly tame horses, your tribe of steppe pastoralists has finally mastered the art of riding them, and are using this technological advance to impose a reign of terror on neighboring nomadic groups and settled agriculturalists alike. And you’ve certainly come to the conclusion that there’s no point to walking when you can just ride horses! But then — you learn that your horse taming techniques, which you had thought to be a gift from your clan’s protective deities alone, have also been learned by your hated rivals to the east. How dare they? Other people are riding them now? This means war, obviously — a war between two groups on horseback, a war of the sort that the great grasslands across the center of Eurasia have never seen before.

Mary Worth, 3/31/26

I’m trying to figure out who the best person is for Mary to call in to help here and against all odds I think the answer may be Wilbur. Hear me out: You describe to him what Harvey’s been through, and definitely show him a picture of “Trixie.” If Wilbur gets all starry eyed like “Gosh, what a beauty, you did the right thing, Harvey,” then Harvey will see immediately what a dope he was to fall for a trap that could ensnare Charterstone’s biggest idiot. And if Wilbur says, “Wow, you sure got scammed pretty bad, couldn’t be me” — well, then, how humiliating would that be? Surely he’d snap out of it immediately.

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Hi and Lois, 3/18/26

Look, we’re all adults here. Well, maybe some of you are weird kids with grown-up taste in ironic internet websites, I don’t know, but my point is, let’s ignore Trixie’s insipid heliocentric rambling and turn our eyes to the fun little domestic drama in panel one. Check out how beaten down and defeated Hi looks; that’s a man who has passive-aggressively talked about high energy bills for weeks even as time slips further and further into air conditioning season; and rather than be gracious after he’s given in, Lois is doing a little pantomime of concern: “Oh, but can we afford it, Hi? Will we need to dip into the children’s college fund, in order to keep the temperature in here below 80 degrees?” My own natural thrift puts me tentatively on Hi’s side here, but they could be taking other steps, like following Trixie’s lead and pricing solar panels, or at least taking off their sweaters.

Judge Parker, 3/18/26

One of my least favorite little narrative devices is when some character makes a daring and self-destructive move in order to achieve some goal, and then comes out on top against all odds, but when he does, announces that he understands he shouldn’t have done it in the first place. This happens more often than you’d think, and it’s especially annoying in cases like this, when Randy is like “I’m a bad person! I’ve suffered nothing for my choices and actually had a pretty cool time getting broken out of prison by my hot, murderous wife, but I just want to apologize for my wrongs! Probably my daughter doesn’t love me anymore, right? Whatever, she’s someone else’s problem now, which, uh, I again acknowledge I should feel bad about.”

Luann, 3/18/26

A thing about the comic strip Luann is that sometimes you’ll get a whole week’s worth of strips where one character just passive-aggressively talks shit about another character within earshot of them. And the shit-talker is the one you’re supposed to be sympathetic towards. It’s wild stuff!

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Herb and Jamaal, 2/25/26

I assumed those plewds were supposed to be sweat, but then Herb mentions “crying” in the last panel and that sets up a much funnier possibility, which is that they’re tears and he’s fully dissociated from himself, his body weeping openly due to stress and unexpected exertion but his mind managing to hold a coherent conversation for at least a few minutes, before he presumably shuts down entirely.

Judge Parker, 2/25/26

Not satisfied with all the people she killed in the massive explosion that heralded her arrival, April is now straight-up gutting a dude like a fish, right in front of her beloved, soft-handed husband. Weird how the awful last sound the guy will ever make is exactly the same one that Charlie Brown makes when he tries and fails to kick a football that Lucy is holding, honestly!

Luann, 2/25/26

This one could have been drawn to make it clear that Frank is chuckling ruefully over his unrealistic youthful fantasies and obviously realizes now that being a faithful husband and father is more rewarding than some burnout musician lifestyle. But that is not his facial expression at all. He still 100% wishes he was in a band and resents every single person in this room for holding him back.