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Shoe, 9/24/15

“Ha, it’s ironic because I was humiliated in front of my young ward when I tried to buy him something he wanted only to have my tenuous financial situation revealed to him in a very public way! Anyway, I know it’s only 10 a.m., but what’s the cheapest booze you got behind that counter?”

Apartment 3-G, 9/24/15

I’m about as atheist as they get, but even I wouldn’t respond to someone offering to pray for a mutual friend with a sarcastic quip and an extremely wary look, like Tommie does in panel two. “Why not, Lu Ann. It can’t hurt. Unless … you’re not planning on praying to the wrong god, are you? Then it could hurt a lot.”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/24/15

“It was mostly about sex stuff that dad likes. Anyway, have a look, I’m gonna check out WebMD to figure out exactly where on your head you should hit yourself with a hammer to induce short-term amnesia.”

Gil Thorp, 9/24/15

Gil has been extremely crabby about Holly’s Milford High reality show, demanded that he appear on-screen as little as possible, and now we know why: he doesn’t want the inevitable moment in the season when someone else starts doing his coaching for him broadcast nationwide.

Judge Parker, 9/24/15

Wait, Rocky’s back already? The strip where we found he left was only published five weeks ago! In terms of the internal Judge Parker chronology, that’s the equivalent of, what, thirty seconds? Maybe forty-five?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/24/15

“Hey, wait, with all that money I could just come up here with more interesting people than you! Turns out your work schedule is irrelevant to me now, dad.”

Dennis the Menace, 9/24/15

“‘Cause I do! I bite whoever I want, whenever I want. I’m Dennis the motherfucking Menace, lady!”

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Gasoline Alley, 9/18/15

Good news, everyone! Gasoline Alley’s beloved Mildly Rude Salesman Character, an homage/straight-up barely mediated depiction of Frank Nelson’s character from the Jack Benny show, is back! He’s appeared in the strip a couple times before, and this callback to a character who was most popular in the 1950s and who hasn’t appeared on TV in nearly 35 years hasn’t taken off like you’d think it would, but you know what they say: third time’s a charm! Just keep having the guy show up over and over again in your comic despite nobody knowing exactly what his deal is, despite the fact that most of your audience won’t recognize him at all and a small percentage will just say “I feel like I’ve seen this guy” but not bother to research it further! I mean, why not? Who’s to stop you?

Judge Parker, 9/18/15

Having already imparted the valuable lessons of her experience to Sophie, Abbey is now schooling Neddy: use your wealth and beauty to convince as many boys as possible to make out with you! Don’t get married young! Husbands are smug, sexless black holes from which no joy can escape! Have you seen Sam?

Gil Thorp, 9/18/15

Gil Thorp continues to prove that it has its finger on the pulse of the modern teen by introducing characters named Dory Darwin and Breck Darwin, which are exactly the sort of dumb names that modern teens have been cursed with. I sincerely hope that whatever B plot these guys get saddled with ends with them dropping out of school to become Vine stars.

Mark Trail, 9/18/15

This storyline’s bad guys just unleashed their sinister plan: distracting Mississippi Ken from his important screen-looking-at duties with their sweet, sweet yacht.

Apartment 3-G, 9/18/15

“Sorry it took me so long to get here! I was busy growing my hair out.”

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Herb and Jamaal, 9/8/15

“Herb and Jamaal eschews proper nouns and really specifics of any kind” is a thing I used to talk about on this blog a lot, but I got sort of tired of it and I don’t think the strip does it as much as it used to anyway. Today at least it seems like it might vaguely be in service to the joke? I mean, it would be more natural if the dialogue went like this: “She arrives today on the noon bus!” “Is that the Greyhound?” “Yes.” “Well, that’s appropriate, because she’s a real dog, get it? Tell her she’s not allowed to touch my stuff.” But no, the tension in Herb’s household is expressed much, much more passive aggressively.

I also like that Eula has a Star Trek mug. Just because she’s moved in with the son-in-law that she despises, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have hobbies or interests! Herb, who has no hobbies or interests, couldn’t think of anything to put on his mug but his own name.

Judge Parker, 9/8/15

It must be pretty fun to be Marie, who has her housekeeping duties occasionally interrupted by industrial cleaning duties and HR department duties. I approve of this development, because it brings forward the inevitable day when she murders all these people.