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• The hardcover or softcover edition for $25 or $15
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• And if the mood strikes, you can put some money in my tip jar

Order soon to get yours in time for Christmas. Thank you very much!

Judge Parker, 12/16/15

I don’t know why, but I can’t stop giggling at the phrase “died tragically in a Mexican jungle.” I know there are several noncontiguous rainforest areas in Mexico, but “a Mexican jungle” just sounds hilariously cagey. “You know, one of the jungles they have down there. Whatever the most murder-y jungle is, I forget the name. Probably it’s in Spanish or Mayan or something. The important thing is that he’s dead, and not at all living in our newly fortified guesthouse, OK?”

Momma, 12/16/15

I also can’t stop giggling at today’s Momma, mostly the part where Jim is erotically fixated on Tonya’s sexy, frilly hemline. Jim seems to like a gal who shows some calf, MaryLou, so you shouldn’t be dressing in plaid pants like some kind of prude if you want to maintain “squatter’s rights.” You know, squatter’s rights? Like, sex … squatting? Is that a thing? Distasteful as this is, at least this strip has stumbled away from accidental incest jokes.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/16/15

I think when Mason Jarr was first introduced as a character, back when they were going to make Les’s Lisa book into a terrible made-for-cable movie, he was presented as some dumb washed-up actor, but then he stuck around and generally became more sympathetic and also was supposed to have a somewhat higher-profiled career, I think? Anyway, that career is now over because he’s going to move to a depressing, economically dead town in Ohio with his wife! Funky and Holly are 100% correct to be completely gobsmacked by this.

Crankshaft, 12/16/15

Meanwhile, over in the “fun” Funkyverse strip, Crankshaft is supplementing his meager pay with a Santa Claus gig, and he has a tech-savvy elf named … Twitter! Get it, Twitter? The same name as the popular Internet website? Mercy!

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Dennis the Menace and Beetle Bailey, 12/7/15

These are, in my opinion, some solid prompts for philosophical discussion. If we conceive of our lives as an endless series of journeys towards some specific destinations, don’t we ignore the charms and possibilities of the intermediary space we pass through, every inch of which is itself a possible destination? Similarly, why do we discount the third of our lives we spend asleep? It’s largely opaque to us, but is it possible that sleep is really what we’re for, and we only wake up when we can’t sleep anymore? Anyway, A+++ work this Monday, guys, feel free to spend the rest of the week slacking off with mild jokes about children who don’t understand that you shouldn’t repeat rude things your parents say about their friends and/or the tragedy of physical abuse in our armed forces.

Judge Parker, 12/7/15

Much as I would like the Spencer-Drivers to all be arrested at once after a long investigation by the Securities and Exchange Commission and IRS working in tandem, I’m assuming Neddy is about to get a ticket for her semi-competent operation of this huge behemoth of a motor home. You know, in some countries, monetary fines don’t have set amounts but are instead calculated based on the offender’s income, on the logic that otherwise the rich would be able to, say, speed or run lights with impunity; this can result in very wealthy people being handed six-figure traffic tickets. The practice is almost unheard of in the U.S., and it’s too bad because otherwise the local municipality here would have its budget covered for the next decade.

Herb and Jamaal, 12/7/15

Haha, yes, fish that’s of such high quality that you can eat it raw, that’s definitely like everything else on this list here!

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Funky Winkerbean, 12/6/15

As is the case in many societies, the economic and spiritual malaise that lies over Westview can be traced back to its education system. For instance, when a science teacher urges his students to “put on [their] thinking caps,” you’d think he was about to challenge them to use their knowledge of the scientific method to solve some problem or test a hypothesis. But at Westview High, this is just a prelude to a rambling punny joke-style utterance that might, if they’re lucky, teach them the Latin name of a constellation, a datum that at best you could call science-adjacent. The students look on in dumb incomprehension, which is a good preparation for their life in the Funkyverse, which will mostly consist of abuse structured as terrible unfunny wordplay.

Judge Parker, 12/6/15

You might be thinking, “The Spencer-Drivers are almost unimaginably rich. Isn’t it kind of unseemly for them to rush to cash this check, considering the solid possibility that Neddy is going to destroy the RV before delivering it to its purchaser?” Well, the joke’s on you and your bourgeois morality. How do you think the Spencer-Drivers got to be unimaginably rich? It certainly wasn’t by not cashing checks.

Marvin, 12/6/15

Kudos to Marvin for getting through a whole Sunday comic without a reference to urine or feces, I guess, but I have to say I find Jeff’s dead-eyed explanation of why dogs like nose-rubs pretty off-putting. It’s just because they have big noses, OK? There’s no pleasure to be had from rubbing the nose of your beloved pet. Any sense of bonding or connection you get from the process is false. It’s a simple physical reaction to an immutable physical fact. I kind of wish this strip was about Marvin shitting, honestly. At least Marvin enjoys shitting.

Spider-Man, 12/16/15

Backed into a corner and unsure how to respond, Peter Parker reacts like the hero he is: by slamming his head into JJJ’s computer until he can induce blessed unconsciousness.