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Judge Parker, 6/25/15

Well, we all know what happens when a Spencer-Driver negotiates with a rotund man daubing his head with a cloth: the Spencer-Driver gets what they want for a ludicrously low price! Personally, I’m a little sad that anyone who goes by the name of “King Speedy” isn’t in the meth-dealing business. Honestly, I’m not 100% convinced he isn’t, which, assuming everyone is convinced everyone else is speaking in code, could result in some hilarious complications by the end of this transaction.

Apartment 3-G, 6/25/15

I know I haven’t really been keeping you up to date on this, but … Lu Ann has abruptly announced she’s quitting her job and moving away? I don’t know if this is just another A3G vague plot that will go nowhere or this strip starting to unravel itself, but it’s pretty weird that Lu Ann is now talking about selling “the apartment,” since she shares and co-owns the apartment with, like, two other people. Maybe she’ll just be selling her bedroom? I look forward to seeing realtors coming through and pointing out the lovely architectural features of the single room, and glossing over the two angry women standing there staring with crossed arms. This is Manhattan, so probably she’ll barely get a million dollars for it.

Dennis the Menace, 6/25/15

Not sure if Dennis is excited about learning decades’ worth of Wilson secrets or if he just likes the idea of a demon house that can speak via horrifying, unnatural wall-mouths, but either way it’s very unsettling, A+ menacing.

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Six Chix, 6/14/15

It seems that, while the tradition of paying children as they lose their baby teeth dates back to medieval times, the concept of an actual Tooth Fairy only dates to the early 20th century. I assumed based on this cartoon that the modern sanitized version had its origin in some terrifying German fairy tale involving a forest-sprite who came to the desperately poor at night and offered to give them food or sustenance if they agreed to let her wrench their teeth out of their jaw. Most versions of the Tooth Fairy legend (including the one in this very comic last month) have her as being very small, so presumably this is a normal human woman with a pair of fairy wings she bought at Party City and a sadistic hatred of the homeless.

Judge Parker, 6/14/15

Good new! Supercilious master of structural engineering Hank Tolling turns out to be a local boy! That means that, under the terms by which the Spencerberg region was enfeoffed to its ruling family, Neddy can kill or marry him at her whim, which will make it much easier for her to resolve their disputes.

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Mark Trail, 6/12/15

Oh, good news, everyone: Mark has recovered from his little getting-hit-with-a-tree incident, mostly. Though he does seem a little groggy, so maybe there’ll still be some fun with this. Amnesia, perhaps? Or maybe that was a radioactive tree, which will cause him to become Tree-Man, the man with the … proportional … powers of a tree? Whatever the case, I think we can all agree that it would be pretty hilarious if in panel two Mark said “Yeah … I’m OK!” and then just silently stood there, hand on his knee, for a full minute, letting the water drip off of him.

Judge Parker, 6/12/15

Man, Marie sure does take an unseemly interest in people’s sex lives, doesn’t she? “Yep, I’ll be gone tonight! Just completely out of your hair … out here in the guest house … in case you wanted to have any guests … like if you wanted Mark’s penis to be a ‘guest’ in your vagina … anyhoo, see you later!”