Post Content

Gil Thorp, 7/20/13

Gil Thorp briefly (or maybe forever?) cuts away from wacky tales of senile retired pro wrestlers to bring you wacky tales of one-armed golf coaches! Steve Boone is an ex-Mudlark who lost his arm in a non-combat accident on an army base and was super depressed about it until Gil gave him an unpaid coaching job last year, which made everything better. Now he’s up for some wacky amputee jokes with the kids! Yaaaay sports!

Judge Parker, 7/20/13

Oh look, it appears that a member of the Spencer-Driver-Parker axis, who, it goes without saying, is already fabulously wealthy, just got $1,000 dropped in her lap, for doing nothing! Sarah Morgan may be already bored with having everything handed to her with no effort on her part, but this shit never gets old for anyone in Judge Parker.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/20/13

You know, I was going to complain about how Funky Winkerbean just won’t let us forget that the Dinkles are going to sex each other up, but you know what? It’s probably the happiest anyone in this strip has been for months, so I’ll let them enjoy it, at least until the shocking revelation about one of Viagra’s little-known side effects (boner cancer).

Spider-Man, 7/20/13

Oh, man, I was gonna guess “Because he’s on a plane and you have to turn your cell phone off when you’re on a plane,” but the real reason is much better, because it involves Spidey’s ineptitude.

Shoe, 7/20/13

“Ha ha no but seriously my marriage is a sham and my whole life is an awful emotional prison” [anguished bird-man sobs]

Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 7/1/13

Mr. Wilson’s trademark bead of sweat, indicating a looming Dennis-induced psychotic break, is an often used visual trope in this strip. Today’s is particularly poignant however, as Dennis indulges in some marital menacing by innocently asking why Mrs. Wilson forces her husband to keep his most beloved possessions up in the musty attic rather than allowing him to proudly display it in the main living areas of the home, where guests can see. We almost might think that he’s crying, like a majestic weeping eagle, if we didn’t know that Mr. Wilson is incapable of sadness or remorse, only bottomless crotchety rage.

Gil Thorp, 7/1/13

This Gil Thorp summer storyline is bound to get boring in short order, but let’s enjoy the madness while we can. Today’s panel two, depicting the carnage that remains in the aftermath of codger-on-ruffian fisticuffs, is more or less perfect. I love the fact that the napkins and condiments scattered about by the fight are foregrounded, while the two defeated punks are only semi-visible while draped and/or splayed comically at the top of the panel. Also, maybe they’re terribly injured or dead? Anyway, let’s call Gil in on this situation, why not, surely he’s got something to say about the whole thing.

Judge Parker, 7/1/13

Well, whaddya know! In Judge Parker, a leggy blonde is eagerly offering to fulfill a main character’s every whim! Don’t worry, though, this is Judge Parker, so those whims are super super boring.

Post Content

Crankshaft, 6/27/13

When? America demands to know. When will we get Crankshaft making dickish puns about New York City, like we were promised? Well, it seems that after a week of Crankshaft being an asshole at the airport, we now have to deal with a week of Crankshaft being an asshole on a plane. Today’s strip actually nicely encapsulates what I frequently find off about the tone of this strip: this is a fairly zany gag, and an impossible one at that — you can’t actually open one of those doors in mid-flight by accident. It should be played pretty broadly. And yet everything about the art is actually pretty serious. Like, instead of just looking bored or wry or something, the flight attendant is actually running towards the back of the plane in panic. And Crankshaft’s face! That’s the face of a man who knows with absolute certainty that he’s about to die horribly, due to his own poor decisions. It’s the face I’ve wanted to see on Crankshaft for years, so I guess I’m not sure why I’m complaining so much about this.

Judge Parker, 6/27/13

Speaking of things that have been dragging on for two weeks against all expectations, Judge Parker Senior is still really mad about a bad review of his trashy mystery novel! The war criminal who dared disparage it is a professor at Princeton and Yale, which (a) isn’t a thing that happens, generally, but (b) should provide the Parker-Spencer-Drivers, who are fantastically wealthy and always get everything they want without putting forth any effort whatsoever, with a great opportunity to rail against “elitists.”

The Phantom, 6/27/13

UGH, the Phantom thinks World War I was still happening in 1919. Can we trust the veracity of any of the information from the Chronicle Chamber now?