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Archive: Judge Parker

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‘Ten-hut!

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Beetle Bailey, 9/6/20

In America during the years after World War II, pretty much everyone was or knew someone who had served in the armed forces. So there were lots of military-themed movies, and comic books like Sergeant Rock, G.I. Joe, Blackhawks, and Army at War. TV “service comedies” included The Phil Silvers Show (Sergeant Bilko), McHale’s Navy, Hogan’s Heroes, Gomer Pyle USMC, F Troop, and Mister Roberts, and I’ve probably missed a bunch. Comic strips included Terry and the Pirates and its successor Steve Canyon, The Sad Sack, the original R-rated Stars and Stripes version of Sally Forth by the incomparable Wallace Wood (Google it yourself; this is a family site, sort of), and, of course, Beetle Bailey.

Given the 75 years since VJ Day, lower military enlistment rates, and decline of newspapers in general, I was pretty astonished to see that Beetle Bailey appears in 1,600 newspapers and apparently has a big international presence. Especially since it’s basically The Lockhorns in uniform? Anyway, congratulations Walkers, and here’s to 70 more — we’ll still be here for you; count on it!

Blondie, 9/6/20

I used to get really steamed about Miz Melba in Gasoline Alley and the endless schtick with her blouse falling off her shoulders, but somehow this here doesn’t bother me a bit. Funny.

Hi and Lois, 9/6/20

In another of Mort Walker’s creations, we learn that Thirsty Thurston isn’t just a lazy sot — he’s a lazy Communist sot.

Judge Parker, 9/6/20 (panels)

Remember that incoherent screaming I promised you? Well here it is. Bask in it!

Sally Forth, 9/6/20

It’s like a spinner for the world’s saddest board game.

Will I stop jonesing on Judge Parker now? Tune in tomorrow and see!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Saturday quickies

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Curtis, 9/5/20

Classic misdirection — the weed is under the mattress. And he probably smokes the banana peels, too.

Dennis the Menace, 9/5/20

Using his media platform to trash a hallowed American brand: pretty menacing! You can almost hear him growl, “You’re next, Sara Lee.”

9 Chickweed Lane, 9/5/20

In the sex-based economy of 9 Chickweed Lane, the unit of currency is the Boink. But after 12 years’ relentless overcopulation of the money supply, that currency has become utterly debased.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/5/20

And by, “the planet,” I mean, “whatever is in my field of vision right now.” [To self] “I wonder where people go when I turn my head.”

Judge Parker, 9/5/20

Still more useless word-gunk. If this Producer gig doesn’t work out, Ellen can get a job in Corporate HR anywhere in the World.

Phantom, 9/5/20

I am totally asking Aunt Lumpy’s stylist to give her some of that awesome sea-hair!

— Uncle Lumpy

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A story of love and loss; a human story …

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/4/20

“Get lost, kid; can’tcha see I’m working? Go huff glue or something.”

Judge Parker, 9/4/20

Producer Ellen knows the score. Don’t confront a hysterical narcissist who has the attention span of a gnat. Just spool out empathetic-sounding noises until she loses track and falls into incoherent screaming.

Kevin and Kell, 9/4/20

Net neutrality is a policy that regulates Internet Service Providers (ISPs) as common carriers. ISPs generally hate net neutrality, because it doesn’t let them prioritize, meter, block, or differentially price different types or volumes of traffic. So Kevin is acting against his own interests here — maybe he’s a customer-service-driven altruist? We’ll see what happens when a couple basement-dwelling teenagers choke his routers with game and porn downloads from The Pirate Bay.

Or maybe haha he’s a rabbit and doesn’t want to be a tortoise.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/4/20

Ol’ Grimm is on remarkably good terms with his parasites.

For Better or For Worse, 9/4/20

Long-time readers will remember when For Better or For Worse was a BIG DEAL here at The Comics Curmudgeon. I remain impressed at the author’s gall in promising “new-runs” that would blend legacy strips into new material to create a “Michael and Meredith nostaligize” narrative, only to drop that pretense the instant editors fell for the scam, offering instead flat-out reruns for the next thirteen years.

One of the strip’s unresolved puzzles was how insufferable Michael and vapid Elizabeth could Do No Wrong (even in the choice of the execrable Anthony as her spouse), while relatably human younger daughter April could never catch a goddamn break. Here, in recap, we see the exact moment April was ostracized. It appears that Les Moore may not actually be the biggest asshole in comics!

— Uncle Lumpy