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Dennis the Menace, 9/10/20

Well to be honest does anybody actually read Blondie, 9 Chickweed Lane, or Judge Parker?

Judge Parker, 9/10/20

Oops, I guess somebody does! Ahem so it looks like Ronnie Huerta is headed back to L.A. without Neddy, who has rediscovered the charms of room and board on Abby’s dime in rustic Cavelton. But I’m torn. On the one hand, Ronnie was the sassy gf who called Neddy on her copious B.S. — an endless, unpleasant, and valuable public service. But on the other, she’s one of a class of characters in Judge Parker and Sally Forth who daily undermine, hijack, or derail everything the main characters say. You never really finish a conversation with her, Norton, Toni Bowen, Sally’s team at the office, or Ted Forth without them steering it off into some metanarrative, stunt, non sequitur, distraction, hallucination, or wisecrack. Look, she’s doing it right up there! It’s annoying, and it mucks up the pace, which in the case of Judge Parker is legendarily slow to begin with.

So c’mon, Ronnie! Let Neddy gush about Cavelton for a few insincere minutes before you shut her down and hug it out. It’s probably the last thing you’ll do before you flicker out of existence forever, so make it a good one! Say hi to Aria, Chad Duncan, and the Thorp kids!

Gasoline Alley, 9/10/20

Idiot rustics attempt some extremely low-stakes con, part XXVII.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/10/20

With any luck, your corpse will be Board certified!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Beetle Bailey, 9/6/20

In America during the years after World War II, pretty much everyone was or knew someone who had served in the armed forces. So there were lots of military-themed movies, and comic books like Sergeant Rock, G.I. Joe, Blackhawks, and Army at War. TV “service comedies” included The Phil Silvers Show (Sergeant Bilko), McHale’s Navy, Hogan’s Heroes, Gomer Pyle USMC, F Troop, and Mister Roberts, and I’ve probably missed a bunch. Comic strips included Terry and the Pirates and its successor Steve Canyon, The Sad Sack, the original R-rated Stars and Stripes version of Sally Forth by the incomparable Wallace Wood (Google it yourself; this is a family site, sort of), and, of course, Beetle Bailey.

Given the 75 years since VJ Day, lower military enlistment rates, and decline of newspapers in general, I was pretty astonished to see that Beetle Bailey appears in 1,600 newspapers and apparently has a big international presence. Especially since it’s basically The Lockhorns in uniform? Anyway, congratulations Walkers, and here’s to 70 more — we’ll still be here for you; count on it!

Blondie, 9/6/20

I used to get really steamed about Miz Melba in Gasoline Alley and the endless schtick with her blouse falling off her shoulders, but somehow this here doesn’t bother me a bit. Funny.

Hi and Lois, 9/6/20

In another of Mort Walker’s creations, we learn that Thirsty Thurston isn’t just a lazy sot — he’s a lazy Communist sot.

Judge Parker, 9/6/20 (panels)

Remember that incoherent screaming I promised you? Well here it is. Bask in it!

Sally Forth, 9/6/20

It’s like a spinner for the world’s saddest board game.

Will I stop jonesing on Judge Parker now? Tune in tomorrow and see!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Curtis, 9/5/20

Classic misdirection — the weed is under the mattress. And he probably smokes the banana peels, too.

Dennis the Menace, 9/5/20

Using his media platform to trash a hallowed American brand: pretty menacing! You can almost hear him growl, “You’re next, Sara Lee.”

9 Chickweed Lane, 9/5/20

In the sex-based economy of 9 Chickweed Lane, the unit of currency is the Boink. But after 12 years’ relentless overcopulation of the money supply, that currency has become utterly debased.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/5/20

And by, “the planet,” I mean, “whatever is in my field of vision right now.” [To self] “I wonder where people go when I turn my head.”

Judge Parker, 9/5/20

Still more useless word-gunk. If this Producer gig doesn’t work out, Ellen can get a job in Corporate HR anywhere in the World.

Phantom, 9/5/20

I am totally asking Aunt Lumpy’s stylist to give her some of that awesome sea-hair!

— Uncle Lumpy