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Judge Parker, 10/6/24

You might recall my earlier irritation that both Sophie and Neddy were involved in family romance drama structurally similar enough that I thought maybe they were falling in with the same dramatic family? Well, it turns out not, but after Sophie experienced some family drama and rejected her initial suitor for his hunkier (?) older brother, we’re now entering a scenario where Neddy, attempting to repair her fiance’s family drama, is discovering that Things Are Not All They Seem, and also that said fiance’s older (?) brother is also hunkier (??). More on this story as events warrant! (So not very soon, honestly.)

Shoe, 10/6/24

You know, you’d think that after spending literally 20 years complaining about how the comic strip Shoe has more or less forgotten that all its characters are birds, I would’ve pretty much mentally explored all aspects of the Shoeniverse’s whole bird-person deal. But this strip made me realize that until today I had never contemplated an extremely key question: Are the Shoe bird-people characters the size of people, or the size of birds? Because a spider big enough to seem menacing to a bird is still scary, I guess, but significantly less scary than a spider big enough to menace a person (or a person-sized bird).

The Phantom, 10/6/24

Speaking of lore you’ve never thought much about, do you think of superheroes as having exactly one costume that they wear all the time (or at least all the time when they aren’t in their secret identity), or multiple instances of the costume, like a closet full of them, so they can clean them and reduce wear and tear? Today’s revelation that the Skull Cave has a “Costume Chamber” doesn’t explicitly answer this question, but it does imply that in an “only one costume” scenario, each Phantom begins his tenure by ritually stripping the outfit off the corpse of his predecessor, which honestly I wouldn’t put past them.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/20/24

Oh no! In this rustic retelling of Jack and the Beanstalk, Jughaid traded Ol’ Bessie for a handful of beans. The beanstalks grew to the sky in the traditional manner, but there were no gold coins, eggs, or magic harps on offer up there. Deprived of essential amino acids from Bessie’s milk, the Smifs will now die, and Barney Google will at last reclaim his strip.

Hi and Lois, 9/20/24

Chip Flagston, like Alexander Bumstead, is an anti-Dustin, attracting pretty girls without the slightest effort. But in a strip with 1950’s-era family structure, work environment, social mores, and frankly jokes, how does anything here really qualify as “retro”?

Beetle Bailey, 9/20/24

In an vulnerable moment, Sgt. Orville Snorkle is at last ready to let the sun shine into the black pit of shame and anguish that drove him to a half century of verbal abuse, savage beatings, and arbitrary punishment of his subordinate. Beetle is having none of it: this may not be the life he chose, but it’s the one he’s got and he’s not going to change it now. “Things are just fine, Sarge, do you hear me? Fine!

Judge Parker, 9/20/24

Ronnie, you’re the sensible, grounded one, remember? And yet here you are confiding in Neddy Spencer about a self-centered emotionally needy person who is not Neddy Spencer? Sure, you can always talk to her, but God help you trying to get her to listen.

Marvin, 9/20/24

Marvin‘s Jeff Miller gamely steps into Ed Crankshaft’s role now that Ed’s strip is off fighting 1950’s-era censorship or something. Got to admire how deftly he blends Crankshaft‘s negligent arson into Marvin‘s central theme, filth.

Just a reminder that there’s no Comment of the Week on my watch, so 2+2=7’s comment will ride up there for another week or until the math checks out, whichever comes first.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Gil Thorp, 9/7/24

Best. Gil Thorp. Ever.

Flash Gordon, 9/7/24

Ergon, leader of the Power Men who maintain the capital’s tunnels, negotiates concessions from Empress Aura and King Barin. Mongo’s monarchy may be in decline, but its public-service unions are top-notch. You think Ming the Merciless would’ve put up with this crap?

Judge Parker, 9/6/24

A Spencer daughter, ignoring the advice of her sassy Black girlfriend, intrudes into the dysfunctional and possibly criminal drama surrounding a potential romantic partner’s family. And they’re gonna keep telling this story until they either get it right or fall comes to Cavelton, whichever comes first.

Sherman’s Lagoon, 9/7/24

Gotta say, “Crabitol” sounds more like an ointment than a record label.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/7/24

Alas, poor Truck. His pickin’ finger “locked up” and hurt him last Tuesday, and now he’s consumed by fear: focal dystonia? Multiple sclerosis? Knuckle cancer? His mind reels. But Truck lives in a medical desert, long miles from any competent professional who might take the slightest interest in his anxiety and pain. Nothing to do but sit, really. Sit, Truck. Just sit.

—Uncle Lumpy