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Beetle Bailey, 9/5/23

A lot of Beetle Bailey’s M.O. boils down to “We thought of a joke, which of our long-ish list of one-note characters that we’ve accrued over the years can we assign it to?” Reading panel one, I though Rocky, as the camp’s resident rock-and-roll loving bad boy, was a bad choice for this, but once I realized it was about one of the soldiers being rejected by his family and forced to make a home in a cruel institution that doesn’t want him either, I changed my mind, this is a good one.

Dick Tracy, 9/5/23

Look, this may be a “Minit Mystery,” but do we have time to spend a whole strip on some Grade A Wholly Innocent [change this later if necessary –Eds] Beefcake? Yes, yes we do.

Dustin, 9/5/23

“Ha ha, get it? Wait, no, actually, that metaphor doesn’t really make sense. Sorry, I’m still workshopping this bit. Anyway, long story short, you’re dying.”

Judge Parker, 9/5/23

I’m sorry, Gloria, are you keeping meticulous accounting records of a criminal fucking conspiracy?

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Judge Parker, 8/25/23

Look, Sophie, your parents might have accidentally kinda sorta agreed, under a certain amount of duress, to assassinate somebody, OK? So we’re going to need a lot more of the classic “I can dispassionately analyze data and am deeply interested in wars and the surreptitious ways states and state-like organizations enact violence to further their interests” Sophie and a lot less of this modern-day “Oh, boo hoo, I’m capable of forming emotional attachments and I worry about the people in my life” Sophie from here on in.

Beetle Bailey, 8/25/23

Big news! They’re finally sending Beetle into combat! It’s not going to go great, I think everyone pretty much knows in advance.

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Judge Parker, 8/19/23

Not to toot my own horn too much about literally doing my job (which is, and forever more shall be, reading and in some basic way making sense of the comics so you don’t have to), but I was right about that being April’s mom that Pavel is targeting. I’m feeling a lot better about this than Sam, who now has to go kidnap someone with significantly more kidnapping and kidnapping-prevention skills than he has, all while the CIA is keeping a close eye on everything. I feel like Pavel has an exaggerated idea on how small a part of this process the “waltzing in” bit is!

Mary Worth, 8/19/23

This is the part of the date where most couples would go home and fool around a little, but for Jeff and Mary, it’s time to Solemnly Contemplate The Sea. No doubt the mighty ocean plays an important role in their emotional life: not only do they live in a beachfront community, but they know the sinister Ocean had its chance to swallow up Wilbur not just once but twice and yet rejected him both times, spitting him back up onto land and into their lives.

Family Circus, 8/19/23

The thing that really makes this panel for me is Billy’s facial expression. He’s not some amoral, destructive little ignoramus! He fucked up real bad and he knows it!