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The Lockhorns, 6/12/20

One thing I never get tired of reminding my fellow Olds who have become accustomed to using “millennial” as a synonym for “teen” is that the youngest millennials are adults in their mid-20s at this point and the oldest ones are middle-aged fogies in their late 30s. And while it’s never clear exactly how old Leroy and Loretta are supposed to be, it’s fully possible that they are, in fact, millennials. Today’s joke, then, was clearly inevitable.

Six Chix, 6/12/20

Honestly, how long have you been a cat owner that you haven’t already viewed cat food as pre-poop?

Dennis the Menace, 6/12/20

Dennis is so solipsistic that he believes that everyone is either trying to communicate with him or waiting for him to communicate with them, with no other options. Extremely menacing.

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The Lockhorns, 6/6/20

Probably most people reading this blog know that syndicated newspaper strips have to be submitted some time in advance of publication; generally the minimum is four weeks but some prefer to work months in advance. And so it can be a fun game to play: how long ago was this drawn? That especially applies in These Troubled Times, with history happening so quickly. Can you imagine that just a few short months ago, we thought that we’d be enjoying ourselves this summer by heading down to the cineplex to enjoy Scoob! (which was released straight to streaming) or the live-action Little Mermaid (the filming of which was delayed)? I guess in the Lockhornsverse, the COVID-19 pandemic never broke out, possibly because Leroy and Loretta’s powerful rage-radiation has antiviral effects that scientists don’t yet fully understand.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/6/20

Longtime Funkyverse trufans know about Frankie, Darrin’s biological father, who in the original long-ago storyline had a consensual sexual relationship with Lisa that got later retconned to sexual assault. Frankie makes occasional appearances for no real obvious reason beyond causing misery, and Les seemed to think that he had come back and was stalking him, but it turns out it was [comical BOI-OI-OI-OING sound] Mason??? As yet it’s unclear whether he was trying to “go method” by observing Les in his natural habitat so he could really bring Les’s brand of depressing unpleasantness to the screen, or whether he was just planning to murder Les before Les decided to once again tank the movie project that Mason has inexplicably become extremely passionate about.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/27/20

As you may know (and if you don’t buckle up because you are about to find out), I love etymologies. So, here’s a fun fact! In German, the word for “prince” (in the sense of “a sovereign ruler regardless of other title” rather than the sense of “the son of a king”) is “fürst.” Etymologically, this word means, quite literally, “the first,” as in the foremost person in the state; “fürst” and “first” also have the same etymological root, and are basically pronounced the same way, but because English always has to be fancy, we imported our word for the noble title from French, which in turn got it from the Latin word “princeps,” which also literally means “first.”

Anyway, I’m pointing this out mostly because of Jughaid’s “furst” in panel two, which is a prime example of the eye dialect used in this strip, designed to make the characters look like they’re speaking non-standard English even though the difference between “furst” and how anyone would pronounce “first” is negligible. And honestly, I’d like to believe that Jughaid is announcing that the Holy Roman Emperor had invested him in a small alpine principality with the status of imperial immediacy, and that he’ll be leaving the Holler behind to take possession of his new realm post-haste.

Beetle Bailey, 5/27/20

I woman I dated briefly years ago once said that it always made her cringe to see a couple both sitting on the same side of a table at a restaurant because she took it as a sign that the passion had gone out of their relationship, and while I definitely think that’s a sweeping overgeneralization, I admit I always think about it whenever I see people sitting like that. Anyway, I wonder what she’d think about a couple who’s sitting together on one side of the table at a restaurant and also one of them has fallen asleep face first onto their plate.

Gil Thorp, 5/27/20

Good news, everyone! Mike “The Mayor” has resigned himself to having his life destroyed for no good reason and has now come on down to see his old friends continue to play team sports, like he used to do. Anyway, would it be an appropriate response if he just whipped out a butter knife and started stabbling everyone to death with it? Well, no, no it wouldn’t. But would it work as narrative? Yeah, sure, probably.

The Lockhorns, 5/27/20

I know this isn’t the intended reading, but I am absolutely cackling at the thought of Leroy diligently printing out the “How To Fake Your Own Death” WikiHow article, which he’s now studying with more determination than we’ve ever seen him demonstrate in his entire life to this point.