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Archive: Lockhorns

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Til death (which can’t come soon enough) do we part

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Beetle Bailey, 8/4/20

It’s bad new for the General that the “Halftracks hate each other” bits seems to have fully detached from their usual scheduled weekend slot and are now just popping up on any old day. It’s great news for me, though, because I’m a black-hearted sadist who can’t get enough of these gags! Anyway, today’s joke is that even sleep cannot free General Halftrack from the all-consuming psychic pain that his marriage causes him; only alcohol’s consciousness-obliterating powers can do that, and only briefly.

The Lockhorns, 8/4/20

Speaking of marital misanthropy, the rather abstract Lockhorns art style makes it difficult to really convey the sort of grunge you actually want a cleaning person to take care of — does anyone actually pay someone to pick a couch cushion off the floor? — but honestly I’m reasonably sure the Lockhorns don’t have a cleaning lady, and that the “cleaning lady” is like George and Martha’s fake son in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, with Loretta bringing her up every time the papers start piling up.

Funk Winkerbean, 8/4/20

[clapping excitedly] EVERYBODY’S GONNA DIE

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Sad Saturday

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Shoe, 7/25/20

I really enjoy how the eyes tell the whole story here. Shoe starts out heavy lidded — “Oh, a politician has started some gimmicky social media site to get a blip of attention in the news cycle, huh? Typical. What’s it called, I’m sure it’s dumb, lay it one me” — but once he hears the name and its naked declaration of political scam artistry, even his cynical soul is truly shaken, and his eyes bug out in horror. But the Perfesser, of course, already knows the name. He’s been through this cycle already, and his lids remain heavy, as he’s already been reset to an even deeper level of cynicism.

Hi and Lois, 7/25/20

Not much to say about this except that I find the phrase “I follow the meat” disturbing! I follow the meat, everyone! Referring to the plate of ribs, probably, but hey, the guy carrying the ribs is made of meat too! I follow the meat in all its forms.

The Lockhorns, 7/25/20

“Ha ha, get it? But seriously, she’s very depressed and nothing really helps.”

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Out of the past

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/23/20

Folks, I try to keep you appraised of the deep lore of these strips, but where I fail you, my faithful commenters and your favorite guest blogger Uncle Lumpy will pick up the slack. This stern, mysterious crone who demands that Rex take a mate isn’t just any old lady; she’s Melissa Claridge, who, as Uncle Lumpy explained in a 2012 post, insisted that Rex and June couple up back in the ’70s in first iteration of this storyline in the strip, and also, uh, used to slap around her niece, I guess.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/16/71

She had considerably mellowed by 2012, and had set off a wacky adventure by asking Rex and June to check in on her San Diego condo, which turned out to be full of strippers with hearts of gold. Anyway, she’s back here in her earlier guise, and if she slaps Rex into submission in order to make this love connection happen, I’m not gonna complain.

The Lockhorns, 7/23/20

I’m sure this is just a “ha ha, Leroy hates Loretta’s family” joke, but I’m reasonably sure we’ve never heard about any of the Lockhorns’ relatives before other than Loretta’s hated mother, so another thing I wouldn’t complain about is if she really does have a brother who’s a criminal, and the focus of this strip eventually shifts from Leroy and Loretta’s petty, tiresome domestic squabbles and towards this mysterious brother’s exciting crimes.