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Funky Winkerbean, 11/9/12

So, yes, as predicted, an innocent if somewhat ham-handed query about why the word “comic” usually means “funny” but doesn’t in the case of comic books has led to a week-long and increasingly self-important diatribe about the history of the medium and why it’s been forced unfairly into a ghetto where nobody takes it seriously, man (The question that was actually asked was answered fairy succinctly by webcomics hero David Willis.) Hat-bro has been allowed to occasionally say quasi-funny things this week making the point that, ha ha, this answer sure is going on for a while and is boring, but he’s now been silenced, and in today’s final panel the oppressive crush of verbiage manages to drain all color from the room as it reaches a critical mass.

Apartment 3-G, 11/9/12

Ha, so, Aunt Cathy, Evan’s mean girl aunt, is … running a publicity agency that competes with Margo’s? And Evan is secretly working for Margo’s agency as a mole? And he’s spiriting young starlets away to his aunt’s agency by convincing Margo that they’re rivals for his massage-y affections? This makes so much less sense than anything else I thought was happening, which is really something of an achievement.

Mary Worth, 11/9/12

Haha, I love Dawn’s wide-eyed expression in panel two, as she realizes she’s basically been given parental authorization to just stone cold make out with a bunch of dudes without having to worry about boring old “commitment” or anything. Of course, her new friend/love interest Jim is possessive and controlling, so I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hear about her plans to play the field.

Shoe, 11/9/12

In world gone mad with ruthless and pointless competition, the Perfesser knows that the only winning move is not to play. That’s why he’s just going to sit in his overstuffed armchair with a beer, eating a pizza right out of the box, and staring at the TV with dead eyes until the reality show that is reality declares a “winner” he can get behind. Till then, he’s opting out of the whole thing. Where do you suppose the pizza box went between panels one and two? Do you think there are a bunch of other pizza boxes piled up there, wherever he threw it?

The Lockhorns, 11/9/12

Here … enjoy the greatest Lockhorns ever written.

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Mary Worth, 10/22/12

You know what, you guys, this Mary Worth plot, in which Jim and Dawn are helping each other through their trauma and have the beginnings of romantic feelings for each other, is really quite sweet, and I thAHHH AHHH AHHH DAWN LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE JIM’S SISTER WHO WAS KILLED IN THE FERRY ACCIDENT IN WHICH HE LOST IS ARM AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

There are a lot of possibilities here (reincarnation? long-lost twin? Dawn really is Jim’s sister and survived the wreck and has amnesia and/or a whole set of false memories?) but I think we all know what the best one is: that Jim’s “sister” never existed, that this is a Photoshop job, and that if Dawn doesn’t accede to his demands that she move into the sisterly love chamber he’s prepared for her in his basement, she’ll find that picture with her eyes scratched out taped to every tree in her neighborhood.

Mark Trail, 10/22/12

Ah, the eternal dilemma of modern governance! Sure, we’d all like for our little village to run itself, with the main island keeping its politics out of things — but with main island politics come main island money! Do you want those fat cats on the main island calling the shots on how your village does things, or do you want to have to resort to yachtjacking to fund your local schools? Hopefully Mark can come up with a settlement between the village and the main island that respects local autonomy while sharing fiscal burdens. If negotiations fail, he may need to impose it with his fists.

Spider-Man, 10/22/12

So I looked it up, and last-minute bus tickets from New York to Las Vegas are only about $100 cheaper round trip than last-minute plane tickets … and the bus ride involves changing buses four times over 3 days. J. Jonah Jameson’s dedication to humiliating his employees is intense.

The Lockhorns, 10/22/12

“Also, Leroy’s been dead for three days! I figured I’d call someone to take him away when I got sick of looking at him, but, you know, it hasn’t happened yet.”

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Lockhorns, 9/21/12

Loretta staring forlornly at Leroy’s paycheck as she cracks wise about his financial inadequacies is part of her shtick now, of course, just as most of the Lockhorns’ interactions with each other can be reduced to a formula aimed at emotionally destruction, repeated in endless permutations as the situation demands. Still, you’d think she’d at least make the pretense that she’s actually surprised by how little money he makes and open the envelope before making fun of it. Maybe Leroy should switch to direct deposit and deny her the use of her prop.

Family Circus, 9/21/12

We can all tell by looking at them that the Keane Kids are monstrous genetic anomalies, but now it seems that Jeffy’s deformed body is falling apart internally. Poor little mutant! You were never meant to be!