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Luann, 11/18/10

I’m a little embarrassed by how much I’ve enjoyed watching Dirk act like a mature (albeit mildly smug) adult while Brad shrieks incoherent threats at him like a furious child over the past few days. As we all know, Dirk can credit his newfound unflappability to Jesus, which makes his gnomic pronouncement in panel one somewhat intriguing. Is the Rapture coming? Has Dirk got advanced notice of the Rapture? Will we be allowed the joy of watching Dirk float triumphantly up to heaven, while Brad’s beady little eyes stare uncomprehending at his ascension?

Dick Tracy, 11/18/10

Good lord, Dick’s spent so much time in the company of hobos, and a significantly larger number of people pretending to be hobos for various incomprehensible reasons, that he’s forgotten the rule of law that he’s sworn to protect. Fortunately, America’s greatest arbiter of morality, Young Richard Nixon, is there to give him a refresher course on right and wrong.

Family Circus, 11/18/10

There’s something undeniably hilarious about the insouciant way little Jeffy is lying on the bed, propping up his head oh-so-casually, just waiting to deliver the punchline that will make his grandmother feel like a jerk for trying to spend time with him. It’s OK, Grandma! You can’t make yourself like him, and you don’t have to try! Don’t you have some friends your own age you can hang out with?

Ziggy, 11/18/10

Ha ha! It’s funny because Asians are good at martial arts! Also, Ziggy is going to be brutalized by his waiter.

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Mark Trail, 10/21/10

Some of my readers rushed to declare Friday’s Mark Trail, in which our hero leaps over a barbed-wire-topped fence to knock a rifle out of a senator’s hands, to be the greatest Mark Trail ever. Well, I hope you all feel a little sheepish now that you’ve seen today’s strip, a glorious single-panel tableau in which Future Governor Frank kicks a fawn in the butt while his stepdaughter, Mark, and the man whose political patronage he’s been so desperately seeking all look on in horror. We of course can’t declare this strip the best of all time — for, in a world that has brought forth such wondrousness, how can we put limits on the potential joys of the future? — but it sure is pretty great.

Shoe, 10/21/10

Something doesn’t seem right here: I thought that, in the Shoe world, Roz serves coffee and comfort food from a diner counter on a tree branch, whereas booze is dished out in smoky bars that do not appear to be tree-based structures. But this is mere nitpickery, I know! I should just enjoy the hilarious joke here, about how the strip’s main characters use their crippling alcoholism as an excuse for being cheapskates.

Luann, 10/21/10

So, yeah, I haven’t really been able to bring myself to comment on the “Brad and the gang deal with the serious problems of stalking and domestic violence with Three’s Company-worthy hijinks” plotline over the past few weeks. But then I got to today and saw Brad and TJ talking about ladies underwear, and I thought to myself, “No way in hell am I suffering through this alone.” SO HERE IT IS! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT THEM TALKING ABOUT PANTIES!

Judge Parker, 10/21/10

Ha ha, it wouldn’t be a Judge Parker story if one of the already wealthy principals didn’t become even richer at the end of it. Sam plays golf with a guy for 10 minutes and sees him get killed? Boom! A $100,000 advance check for Judge Parker! Sam violates legal ethics willy-nilly to sort of half-assedly solve a mystery? Wham! A cool hundred large for him too! Now the hour or so he spent helping Jules set up an Excel spreadsheet will net him a third of what will no doubt turn out to be an insanely lucrative business. It’s a good thing his house is so big, because he’s going to need someplace to put his huge piles of stupid money.

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Dennis the Menace, 10/4/10

The Mitchells’ pastor ought to be concerned about young Dennis’ decision to turn away from the Christian God and instead offer his worship to Skynet, the superintelligent computer network that will soon destroy us all.

Jumble, 10/4/10

As usual, I’m too dumb to actually solve the Jumble, but I do want to point out that “vomiting” would fit into the solution blanks nicely.

Luann, 10/4/10

After setting this foolproof plan in motion, TJ will head off to his job as a master cat burglar/puppeteer.

Mary Worth, 10/4/10

Let’s hope Jill Black at the hospital has some knife fighting experience, if that oh no nobody’s horning in on MY meddle expression on Mary’s face in panel two foreshadows things to come (and please, please, let it foreshadow things to come).

Slylock Fox, 10/4/10

Shady’s new membership in the Bloods is about to be revoked with extreme prejudice after the other gang members find out he obsessively hoards golden kitty-kat figurines.

Crankshaft, 10/4/10

“Also, we might occasionally be allowed to experience joy!”