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Luann, 1/6/06

OK, at long last, I have decided to weigh in on the interminable Adorable But Oddly Shaped Kitty storyline in Luann:

• I am a huge cat fan. I have had cats most of my life, I love cats, and feel that they add a great deal to my everyday existence.
• If my family tried to bully me into getting a pet to which I was unpleasantly allergic, I would see about getting a new god-damned family.

I’ve noted that several of you have wondered why Luann feels a need to call her dad on her cell phone rather than thanking him for his shameless cave-in in person. My theory: the kitchen is the house’s designated no-cat zone, soon to be enclosed in cat-dander-blocking lucite. Poppa Luann will never have to suffer from allergies, with the only minor drawback being that he won’t ever be able to leave the room or have any physical contact with another human being ever again.

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Luann, 1/4/06

I can’t believe the amount of mail I got today about this cartoon. “Oooh, look, Mama Luann is poking out her own eye!” “Oooh, look, Mama Luann’s face cream is black for some reason!” I swear, it’s like you people have never seen someone applying stage makeup before bed in order to simulate a black eye to help along some safe, consensual, simulated-punch-in-the-face roleplay. If it weren’t for all the hubbub from you sheltered prudes, I wouldn’t even bother talking about it.

If you want to contemplate something really sick, however, you ought to try keeping track of the number of Luann strips that feature either Papa Luann or Brad brushing his teeth. It’s like the author has some sort of perverted pudgy-balding-guy-brushing-his-teeth fetish. And that ain’t right.

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Panels from Luann, Peanuts, and For Better Or For Worse, 11/17/05

As Brand and Toni share a tender moment, Snoopy exploits his best friend, and April desperately attempts to scrub the horror that is adolescence out of her face (you’ll never get it out, honey, you’ll never get it out), let’s take a moment to appreciate the subtle sound effects of the daily comics. Usually we associate comic noises with the sort of big, violent BIFFS and BAPS that result from the tangling of superhero and supervillain. But here they add texture to the more down-to-earth pursuits of the newspaper’s sequential protagonists. And the RAKES and the WASHES remind you that those everyday words are in fact onomatopoeic.

OK, have you taken your moment? Are you done appreciating? I just wanted to add one more thing before I go…

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/17/05

Have I mentioned that I’m starting to think that all the comics are about me?