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Mark Trail, 6/23/17

“We eventually located the GPS unit, but it had been attached to a 1960 281 series tanker truck, which we found at the base of a cliff. It was apparently involved in an accident with a car and ran off the cliff — destroying the truck! Those Peterbilt 281’s were real solid trucks, and with a Cummins NTC 350 horsepower small cam engine under hood — well, lemme tell you, they don’t make ’em like that anymore. Steel frames, too. Still, the cliff drop was too much. Damn shame. What’s that? Oh, yeah, there was some organic matter smeared all over the inside of the cab, guess it was all that was left of the driver or whatever. But back to the truck. That model actually has three different axles, all made by Rockwell Parts…”

Mary Worth, 6/23/17

“This cruise ship is afraid of me … I have seen its true face. The lido decks are extended gutters and the gutters are full of cigarette butts and when the drains finally fill up like an ashtray, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and violations of cruise company employment regulations will foam up about their waists and all the whores and onboard entertainers will look up and shout ‘Save us!’… and I’ll look down and whisper ‘No.’”

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Hi and Lois, 6/16/17

Oh, man, it’s been hard enough for bored housewives like Lois to make flirty eyes at poor Brendan via the drive-through bank teller camera — now they’re supposed to do it through the computer somehow?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/16/17

For a supposedly “woke” arts high school, this depiction of the impoverished rural working class is extremely problematic.

Mark Trail, 6/16/17

CONFIRMED: FBI GUY’S TOP-OF-HEAD HAIR-BLOB IS COMPLETELY DISCONNECTED FROM ALL SIDE- AND BACK-OF-HEAD HAIR, REPRESENTING THE MOST BONKERS HAIRSTYLE IN MARK TRAIL TO DATE

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Mark Trail, 6/12/17

This Mark Trail kidnap plot has been going on for approximately all of eternity at this point, but we still don’t really understand what motivates our bald-headed kidnap ringleader. What drove him to a life of crime? Why does he pretty much always look like he can’t poop and he’s real mad about it? Today we get a hint of his sad, empty emotional life: as a man who could only muster a casual “too bad Billy got shot” when a member of his crime-brotherhood was gunned down by the police, he can never understand the bonds that tie together real friends. You can keep robbing all the banks you want, but all that money isn’t going to fill the empty space inside you!

Mary Worth, 6/12/17

Unironic shoutout to the Mary Worth art team, who with Esme in panel two managed to perfectly capture a facial expression that says “Actually, it’s exactly what it looks like.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/12/17

The folk in Hootin’ Holler really only ever nominally adhered to the flatlanders’ sky-religion. When times get tough, they go out to the hidden lakes and commune with their ancient fish god.