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Mark Trail, 2/20/15

“It made me think of my own wife! Her name is Hope, and I love her so much I never even mentioned her before now. Definitely I would never take her deep into the swamp where I keep my bog-palace! I mean, people’s wives get kidnapped all the time out here! What kind of monster are you, Mark, bringing your poor wife into this hellhole kidnapping-land?”

Dennis the Menace, 2/20/15

By refuting the basic premises behind harsh prison sentencing, Dennis menaces our modern prison-industrial complex and the culture of retribution that feeds it.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/20/15

Literally Funky Winkerbean is just spending days having representatives of Enormous Midwestern University be smirking dicks to the hapless teens of Westview High. I mean, I guess most people in this strip are smirking dicks to everyone else all the time, but somehow it jumps out more when non-recurring characters do it.

Lockhorns, 2/20/15

I know this is one of those things where just speaking the name summons the thing into existence, but at the moment I am very glad for the Google search results I just got:

Clearly any such stories would include a depth of emotional and sexual cruelty that would put Fifty Shades of Grey to shame.

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/19/15

Funky Winkerbean would like to remind you that life is a desperate scramble for status, and that those who fail to properly credential themselves will find themselves forever resigned to tenuous and economically marginal jobs.

Wizard of Id, 2/19/15

Wizard of Id would like to remind you that control over life and death is at the root of all political authority, and that socially sanctioned murder is the dearest fantasy of those in power.

Mark Trail, 2/19/15

Mark Trail would like to remind you that you can be duped and held at gunpoint by your closest friend, live in terror of your life for days, see a man blown to bits in an explosion, and have your company’s finances thrown into disarray, and just walk back to your office like nothing happened, like the world’s the same as it ever was! Don’t worry, some good press in Woods and Wildlife Magazine will smooth this whole thing over.

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Archie, 2/15/15

I know that there are basically like six character designs in Archie, but Archie’s barber looks an awful lot like an adult version of resident nerd Dilton, doesn’t he? I’d like to imagine that Dilton accidentally slipped backwards from the future due to some kind of time travel experiment, and that he’s trapped in the present without his equipment or true identity, forcing him to take a series of jobs he considers beneath him. “Dilton Doiley” is a local high school student, so this future version of him must only go by the alias “Mr. Barber.” His deep-seated rage over his so-called friends’ failure to recognize him, so obvious on his face here, leads him to lash out the only we he knows how: by giving them terrible haircuts.

Blondie, 2/15/15

Usually a Sunday strip’s throwaway panels are connected somehow to the main action, at least thematically. At first I thought the little vignette of Dagwood and Daisy returning from a walk was completely out of left field, but then I figured out what the theme of the strip was: that Dagwood and Blondie will do anything to avoid talking or listening to each other.

Mark Trail, 2/15/15

I for one am pretty psyched that Mark Trail is jettisoning boring nature facts in favor of “unnerving news.” Is an enormous grizzly bear stalking you from less than 100 yards away, right now? Probably!