Post Content

Spider-Man, 7/24/13

Good news, Spider-Man! These cheery American tourists have decided that they’re going to protect you from the heavily armed soldiers of some thuggish Latin American dictatorship! This act of solidarity should last right up until the guys with guns actually board the plane, at which point everyone will sit silently and/or pee themselves in terror. The only sound will come from this kid, who will narc out Spidey immediately, and will presumably be awarded the Order of the Eternal Costa Verdan Revolution by the country’s Supreme Generalissimo for his trouble in a ceremony attended by thousands of bussed in spectators.

Mark Trail, 7/24/13

Oh man, I am super looking forward to the explanation of why Mark wandered into this fake hunting camp’s free-standing meat cooler. “Oh, hello, fellows! I was just spending some quality time here in the meat cooler! The only thing I enjoy more than meat is meat that’s been properly cooled!”

Post Content

Mark Trail, 7/23/13

Guys, our sinister fake big game hunters have finally noticed that famous nature writer Mark Trail has literally gone “undercover” at their fake hunting lodge without wearing a disguise or even using a fake name. I guess they finally got that free trial issue of of Woods and Wildlife Magazine they signed up for, which they planned to leave lying around their fake hunting lodge to make it look more like a real hunting lodge? I like that Mark’s picture is prominently displayed at the top of the page; I assume this means that his editor Bill Ellis has given him a monthly column, where he offers his wooden, awkward thoughts on issues of importance to the outdoorsmanship community. Or maybe this is actually a copy of Outdoors Reporter, a trade magazine for nature journalists, and this a wooden, awkward interview with Mark instead.

Pluggers, 7/23/13

I’m going to mostly ignore the fairly baffling joke in today’s Pluggers (“ha ha, all you ELITIST LIBERALS are going to get LUNG CANCER from the SCIENCE CHEMICALS in your FANCY CARS, your so-called GREEN HYBRID is less ECO-FRIENDLY than you think”) and instead point out this plugger’s license plate appears to read “PLUGGRZ”. Which is problematic, because the s-for-z orthography is well known to derive from the rap music, which is anathema to pluggerdom. Perhaps it actually reads “PLUGGR2”? Just imagine our poor bear-man at the DMV, all excited as he waits in line by the idea of getting a plugger-themed license plate, then sighing heavily when he finds out that someone has beaten him to the punch and trying to decide if it’s still worth it or if he should just give up on it all together. I’m just a plugger, he thinks to himself. I guess I don’t deserve any little joys in this life, because I’m not quick enough. Then he goes back to his car and breathes in the plugger equivalent of those toxic fumes from a non-plugger’s new car interior. (The plugger equivalent is plugger farts.)

Post Content

Wizard of Id, 7/21/13

I don’t know if whoever’s currently writing Wizard of Id just got a big dog or just got bored with writing jokes about the same ten-ish characters who have been in the strip since the ’70s or what, but for the past year or so there have been a lot of Wizard of Id strips about Henry, the Wiz’s recently introduced pet dragon. As with Hagar and his cuddly bloodthirsty marauders, much of the humor here arises from the deliberately showcased contradiction between Henry-as-adorable-pet and Henry-as-terrifying-monster. I’d argue, though, that we’ve tipped a little too far towards the latter when we end a strip with an actual mangled human corpse dangling out of Henry’s mouth, with bits of blood and flesh falling to the ground like a soft rain.

Spider-Man, 7/21/13

Maybe I’ve fallen into some form of Stockholm Syndrome, but at this point I literally don’t want Spidey’s whiny, petulant battle of wits with a dickish eight-year-old to end. Today’s strip pretty much encapsulates everything that’s made it great: Spidey apologizing to the startled flight attendent by explaining that he only reacted to so violently because he thought she was a child; the kid taking every opportunity to remind Spider-Man that there are other, better superheroes in the world; and, of course, Spidey’s epic soda-slurping staredown with his scowling pint-sized antagonist. I am 100% certain whatever superheroic combat awaits our hero in Costa Verde will be infinitely less thrilling that this.

Mark Trail, 7/21/13

Harems? Sex fights? No wonder our society is coming apart at the seams, when immoral filth like this appears on the so-called “funny” pages.