Archive: Mark Trail

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Mark Trail, 3/19/12

RUN! IT’S NOT THE COPS!

Mary Worth, 3/19/12

On Santa Royale’s exclusive Strada Fellini, Nola chats with an imaginary friend on her invisible phone as her bag levitates nearby. A mannequin beckons.

Suddenly, disgraced executive Dan Smithers emerges from his spin on the world’s fastest downward spiral. Disheveled hair? Check! Patchy stubble? Belligerent scowl? Clenched fist? Check, check, and check!

But Dan hasn’t let himself go completely — look at that impeccably custom-tailored down-and-out suit he ordered a few weeks back:

“Ats-a too far back for a pocket, signore Smithers!”
“It’s for a hip flask, Tony — gotta be on my hip, or what’s the point?”
“OK, but the pocket she’s-a too short! All the booze she’s-a gonna fall out!”
“People expect to see the booze, Tony — this is Mary Worth!
“OK, but all this work its-a gonna cost you!”
“That’s all right — I stole enough to cover it.”

Marvin, 3/19/12

Decisions, decisions — grunt out a labored comparison between peer and peristaltic pressure, or plop down the wry observation that Marvin’s beloved toy is a dump truck? Oops, I’ve disgusted myself. Crap!

You know, if Marvin’s retrograde toilet habits really bother his parents so much, they could just stop feeding him. No one would complain. They’ve brought this on themselves.

Hmpf. I wonder if there’s anything interesting going on in Marmaduke?

Marmaduke, 3/19/12

Nope.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 3/18/12

Yes, “… this monster will spend his remaining days in an eco-tourism park where he can be admired.” There’s so very much to admire about this ravenous ocean brute: his winning smile, obvious relish munching on that poor doomed zebra, determination to run down a tasty bird-snack, and handsome striped tail thrashing in anguish as strangely impassive villagers reel him in. Sure, maybe he can’t crush a turtle, but let’s not quibble.

So if you ever find yourself in the vast, impoverished marsh district 500 miles southeast of Manila, stop by and check in on our pal here — but if you do, take a Nature Tip from Mark Trail and stay indoors at all times. Seriously, you could get killed out there.

Blondie (panels), 3/18/12

Speaking of monsters, check out the Blondie-narwhal. Crocodiles of the deep, you have been warned! YOW!

Slylock Fox (panel), 3/18/12

Psst — the bird did it. Killed the fish, too! Ask the spider.

Heaven’s Love Thrift Shop, 3/18/12

My favorite parable is the one about the Unjust Steward (Luke 16:1–13), in the telling of which Jesus appears to endorse sharp dealing, hanging out with a bad crowd, and outright fraud. Its deeper message is that children of God should be as practical preparing for the Hereafter as children of mammon are for the Here and Now.

In this Sunday-only (natch) comic, child of God Dag is so mightily upset that his bosses (Wilson and Cassidy) think he should set out on his own that he threatens to, um, stay? Maybe a little more attention to the Things of This World wouldn’t be such a bad thing? Things like punchlines?

The Phantom, 3/18/12

It’s hard out here for a Nemesis. Injured during his botched Phantom-killing mission, Eric Sahara (The Nomad!) hitchhikes back to his jet and scuttles off to his ramshackle desert retreat — the one with the sharp left turn in the airstrip. Seriously, his badass predecessor Chatu would just be embarrassed.

Also: worst minion everBeast Man can breathe easy at last.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 2/29/12

Huh, did Scott really not know that Tommie and Margo were roommates? That seems like a weird detail … that probably won’t be relevant at all in this plotline, if we’re lucky, because quite frankly it sounds like a really boring thing to dwell on, why did we even bring it up in the first place. Much more interesting to me: Scott’s look of drugged out bliss in panel three. “Yes Tommie … my wife … doesn’t know her own body … only I know what’s good for her .. soon … the baby … coming soon … yessss …”

Mark Trail, 2/29/12

Is it bad to find the idea of Butch the blind dog wandering around and bumping into things in the forest hilarious? Uh, of course! It’s bad. Bad, bad Mark Trail!