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Mark Trail, 8/8/11

You guys, Mark Trail is on the case of this crazy biblical goose mystery, if by “on the case” you mean “heading down to the local U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service branch office to shoot the breeze for an hour or four”. More proof of government waste! How do these people have the time to jaw with random weirdos about geese or whatever when they should focusing on which wild animals can be most profitable harvested for their lovely coats? Anyway, this US&FWSer doesn’t just have an incredibly awkward/sexy way of sitting on a desk; he also has a decent memory for strange combinations of God and waterfowl. “Yeah, I heard about this sort of thing years ago, so I put a little pushpin in this map, right here near the Canadian border, just in case it ever happened again. They all laughed at me. ‘C’mon, Bob, take the pushpin out of the map,’ they said. Now I can put a second one in! Who’s laughing now?”

Hagar the Horrible, 8/8/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because murder and theft are very profitable!

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Mark Trail, 8/3/11

Oh my goodness, is something new and different happening in Mark Trail? Longtime readers know that the only good guy characters in Mark Trail other than Mark and his family are (a) square-jawed lawmen, (b) eccentric but lovable cabin-dwelling rustics, and (c) little children who love animals. The only acceptable bad guys are (a) animal-nappers, (b) smugglers, (c) thieves, (d) nature-hating developers, and (e) corrupt politicians. Nowhere on this grid is there room for a mysterious individual or group who attaches gold bands with bible verses on them to hapless geese. Who is this bizarre goose-centric sect? Are they a band of apocalyptic hermits who believe that these majestic birds with their huge wingspans and trumpeting cries are the angels spoken of in the Book of Revelation? Will their religious certainty resist even Mark’s fists? Will they kidnap Rusty and mold his feeble, pliable mind to match their monomania? I am extremely interested in finding out.

Spider-Man, 8/3/11

Exciting as it is to see a continuity strip do something new, it can be reassuring when one of them keeps on with its usual antics. For instance, Spider-Man is still an incompetent feeb! All’s right with the world.

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Apartment 3-G, 8/2/11

So it’s becoming increasingly clear that Lu Ann’s ex-fiance’s wife is cousins with Lady Gaga (actual name: Stefani Germanotta), who will somehow be convinced to take time off from her fulfilling and lucrative career as a musician/provocateur to engage in some antics for little or no money at a middlebrow art gallery whose idea of a great show involved Lu Ann’s dumb paintings of ferns. This bizarre development fills me with trepidation over the A3G artist’s stubborn refusal to depict clothing that’s interesting or different from the norm in any way. Even if we just stay with the strip’s standard only-show-’em-above-the-shoulders technique, how will the art grapple with Lady Gaga’s well-known propensity for wacky hats?

Mark Trail, 8/2/11

Mark survived a vicious goose attack and discovered just why that old goose was so cranky: it had a heavy gold band around one of its legs! Look for Lost Forest to suddenly be overrun by grizzled old prospectors, attempting to strike it rich and mine the local goose population for precious metal.

IMPORTANT GEOPOLITICAL NEWS: Thanks to the many, many people who sent me definitive proof that Crankshaft is the 21st century’s greatest monster!