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Mark Trail, 4/19/11

Oh my God, John Thrasher’s been driven mad by the horrors he’s seen on the battlefields of Iraq Afghanistan Iraq Vietnam Korea (yeah, that seems about right) and has retreated into the deep woods, ready to unleash hell on whoever tries to talk him back to civilization. Seriously, is there a more badass name than “John Thrasher”? Mark might actually have a moment or two of difficulty in attempting to subdue this wayward PTSD case, though I’m less worried about his chances now that I know that he can just shake off a bullet to the head.

Beetle Bailey 4/19/11

Speaking of war-related trauma, Beetle Bailey seems to have taken a rather abrupt turn. After 50 years of living in some kind of peacetime paradise, the soldiers of Camp Swampy have suddenly been thrust into an apocalyptic worldwide war, in which they’ll be forced to fight until they qualify for old age benefits … if they live that long.

Gil Thorp, 4/19/11

Speaking of abrupt turns, two-thirds of the way through today’s Gil Thorp the creative team apparently decided that nobody would be able to follow the confusing softball drama and decided to switch to confusing corporate drama instead.

Ziggy, 4/19/11

At last, Ziggy has found someone he can look down on! It’s his goldfish. Does mocking and belittling your goldfish make you feel like a big man, Ziggy?

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Slylock Fox, 4/18/11

When your cartoon is populated by anthropomorphic animals, you eventually run into awkwardness when you need to introduce some non- or semi-anthropomorphic animals, a conundrum known to philosophers as the “Goofy-Pluto Paradox.” Here, for instance, we have a a gaggle of clothed, house-dwelling animals confronting a pair of naked (albeit still bipedal, or at least upright) animals who are accused of doing animal-type things like eating tomatoes on the vine. Are the snake and raccoon meant to be understood as mere beasts? Or do they belong to some caste that is oppressed and excluded from Slylock-world society due to prejudice, despite their ability to reason? Either way, once Slylock fingers the guilty party, it looks like he’ll be subject to brutal mob justice rather than taken under the gentle wing of owl law.

B.C., 4/18/11

Speaking of sentient animals, here’s a sentient bird who chose a bad hiding place and now is going to be devoured alive! That … that’s the joke, I guess?

Mark Trail, 4/18/11

You might find the premise of this strip incredibly unrealistic, but think about it: if someone were so unable to understand human nature that they would consider Mark a good guy to approach with a “personal problem,” then he’d probably also have trouble relating even to the people closest to him.

Pluggers, 4/18/11

Yes, these hideous mutant abominations will continue to mate with one another and produce ever more freakish offspring — no matter what our elected officials in Washington say or do. I think our only hope is to call in the military.

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Mark Trail, 4/14/11

Ha ha, the extent to which Cherry continues to not get Mark will never cease to be funny to me. “Was she pretty?” she asks, and at this point in their long, sexless life together one assumes that she actually wants a “yes” answer, if only because it would indicate that Mark knows what “pretty” means — which he doesn’t, as this exchange makes clear. Notice that Mark doesn’t even try to answer the question. If we could read the thought balloons in panel one as seen from Mark’s perspective they would go like this: “Who is this woman named Lonnie who you said may have saved your life? [loud white noise, like static from a television]”

Hagar the Horrible, 4/14/11

Meanwhile, Hagar appears to have killed his dog! That … that’s not cool.