Archive: Mark Trail

Wednesday, Jul 01, 2009 Comments are closed

In deep with the Squirrel Mob

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/1/09

Ho ho, it looks like this new RMMD plot will be about the adventures of Peter the Sex Chameleon! Currently, he’s blond-headed and white-suited, the better to match the fair complexion of his wife. But when we saw him attempting to bust a move on a sexy nutritionist on Monday, he had brown hair and a blue coat! My guess is that his hair and suit were fully black as he attempted to woo his raven-haired co-worker; when Becka surprised him, he began to color-shift involuntarily, and we caught him at a transitional stage.

Mark Trail, 7/1/09

It’s a sad but all too common story: man loses money gambling, man redirects waste disposal budget to his casino account, man hires lowest bidder to dump toxic barrels in nature preserve. Of course, Mark will have no sympathy for the gentleman; not only are his environmental misdeeds unforgivable, but Mark holds deeply Manichaean view of the world, in which everyone and everything is neatly divided into good (clean-cut, clean-shaven) and evil (beard, sideburns, and/or shaggy hair), so games of chance and probability enrage him into a distinctly punchy mood.

Mary Worth, 7/1/09

As she did with Lynn the skater who didn’t want to skate anymore, Mary is teaching Delilah that the greatest pleasure comes from ignoring and suppressing one’s own desires to fulfill the needs of others. The young lady is resisting, but she’s already begun to come around; in panel two, she’s finally acceded to Mary’s request and started wearing a drool cup instead of just dribbling defiantly all over the tablecloth.

Marvin, 7/1/09

So, if the choices are Marvin peeing everywhere or dogs talking wistfully about their castration, which do you prefer? Would dogs peeing everywhere have been a more palatable middle ground? Discuss.

Saturday, Jun 27, 2009 Comments are closed

How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless lackey

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Gil Thorp, 6/27/09

O CRUEL DISLOYALTY! Shep Trumbo’s sandy-haired sidekick, who’s felt no qualms about tagging along for the ride in Shep’s reign of prank-filled annoyingness, and who has otherwise kept such a low profile that I neither remember nor feel obliged to look up his name, has finally had enough! It’s one thing to loosen salt shaker lids and get Coach Thorp’s bludgeoning ranked #4 comedy video of the day on YouTube, but humiliating a young lady for her non-drunken, non-revealing, non-humiliating cardboard-bikini antics is quite another. Fortunately for Shep, his vengeful hanger-on is going to betray him by using idioms like “throw you under the bus” that no teenager will be able to understand, even if they are translated into moronic txt-speak.

Judge Parker, 6/27/09

Well, it appears that lovable underdog Sophie will not only be backed by her wealthy and influential parents, her parents’ celebrity friends, and the school administration, but the entire student body as well! I’m particularly charmed by the Sophie’s Choice-themed sign in the foreground in panel two, as it implies that after their defeat, the snobby cheerleading girls will be sent back in time to die in the Holocaust.

Mark Trail, 6/27/09

“I’ll have my brother meet with us tomorrow! I have an idea … why don’t you join us for dinner? I’ll make sure that he has the information you want, and our mother will be happy to vomit half-digested worms and insects down all of our throats!”

Ziggy, 6/27/09

Ha ha! The side of Ziggy’s face will soon be covered with mollusk barf!

Tuesday, Jun 23, 2009 Comments are closed

By “I like country girls best” he means “I find them the least unsettling”

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Archie, 6/23/09

Here is a comedy tip for you: humor grounded in the specific is always funnier and more vivid than jokes about vague, abstract nouns. Thus, I would argue that the lame pun for which this strip is the ostensible vehicle is redeemed to a certain extent by the amusing notion that Archie, Jughead, and Nameless Car Pool Denizen #3 are not just going to some random teenage job, but have actually taken up careers as carnies, for some reason. More delightful still is the insane tableau in the second panel: Archie’s boss has clearly been beaten down by the realities of life as a wrangler of sullen teenagers and burnouts, buyer of giant stuffed pandas and a fryer grease in bulk, and briber of ride safety inspectors, but he still has enough of his belief that amusement park management might be insanely lucrative (no doubt developed over years of playing Roller Coaster Tycoon) that he decided to wear his tie covered with dollar signs to work. No doubt he’ll lose that faith altogether when he turns around to see one his fursuit characters, a giant squirrel thing not currently trademarked by any major media conglomerate, attempting to capture and kill a child, the crazed eyes of a serial killer gleaming madly out of the rodent’s grinning mouth.

Mark Trail, 6/23/09

Actually, Mark didn’t say anything of the kind, Cherry, as his only comments about the appearance and attractiveness of mammals involves the phrase “healthy, shiny coat.” Your transparent jealousy and shameless smoochery may in fact backfire, as the thing he most likes about country girls is that they find the intermittent sexual relations that are apparently a required aspect of marriage just as terrifying and unpleasant as he does.

Apartment 3-G, 6/23/09

All important information in this storyline is apparently going to be conveyed by having characters thrust newspapers at one another, so you may wonder why the voyage to India’s most blandly decorated hotel was even necessary at all. Obviously, though, without this trip we wouldn’t be graced with the hilariously offensive series of Margoisms that we’re going to get. “Dad, there are cows in the street! Everybody here is dirty, and nobody is white! They don’t take American money! The Indian food here is terrible!”

Beetle Bailey, 6/23/09

This is honestly one of the saddest and most poignant Beetle Baileys ever. It should probably be on the front page of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network home page.