Archive: Mark Trail

Post Content

Hey everybody! I need to begin this post by offering an ENORMOUS thanks to everyone who put money in my tip jar during the Spring Pledge Drive. I appreciate the warm fuzzy feeling, and the cash really does help me justify dedicating my time to this site instead of boring, lucrative work. Everyone will be getting individual thankses in over the next couple of days, but I wanted to give a collective thanks first.

And we should all collectively thank Uncle Lumpy for his admirable fill-in blogging and hilarious fund-raising-banner-creating. Those of you who are long-time readers can tell the tales of woe and horror from the days when I’d go on vacation and the site would not update for days and days! Uncle Lumpy spares us that nightmare and brings his own wonderful sense of humor in the process.

Now, some of you may be thinking there there is really no such person as “Uncle Lumpy,” that he’s just an alternate personality my subconscious mind has created because I’m shy about asking for money. And to tell the truth, up until this past week I hadn’t ever met him in person, so theoretically this could have been the case! But when I was vacationing in [undisclosed location], he and I met for lunch, and after a (small amount of) wheedling on my part, he agreed to let me post the pic of that momentous occasion here:

He is, as you might have guessed, a charming guy, and he even has good taste in lunch spots.

Meanwhile, in totally unrelated news, faithful readers (and crack father-daughter team) Doug and Miranda pointed out something disturbing about the current Mark Trail storyline. Check out these panels from the March 16 and April 3 strips:

You’ll note that Mark and Cherry have switched places in the photograph! This can only mean one thing: Rusty can control time and space with his mind. Hopefully he will realize the true extent of his power before the moronic villains beat him up.

And that makes for a perfect transition to the comment of the week!

“My name is Rusty Trail. You took my camera in exchange for $500. Prepare to kick my ass.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

And of course the runners up are also hilarious:

9CL: “This is turning into Rock of Love, only with ballerinas instead of skanks….no, wait…” –kalki

“In the land of Funky Winkerbean, Les Moore is considered prime husband material. As if the strip wasn’t depressing enough.” –NoahSnark

“Just try this simple test. Let’s say this woman is the mother-in-law of Edda from 9 Chickweed Lane. Have her hit Edda with a frying pan. Snrk. Not funny at all, was it? Go on, hit her again. Again. You see? It’s actually sort of tragic, seeing Edda in a crumpled heap on the ground like that. Wait, one more time. Okay, now it’s kind of funny, but it took four times to do it. One more, and we’ll stop, I promise.” –Muffaroo

“I’m pretty sure that the two criminals have recently swapped shirts. This is probably their way of throwing people off. Sadly, this is their best idea so far.” –Digger

“‘Ted is NOT an honest guy!’ Yeah, we know. Our first clue was when he claimed he found Adrian attractive.” –AmazingThor

That must be Joe. He’ll be upset when he learns the kids aren’t here … but he’ll be okay once he knows I sent them home with that nice man in the van. The guy had videogames and candy! CANDY!” –Patrick

“When Alexander of Macedon was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Rocky Ledge is only 27!” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Adrian: ‘2+2=4?? That’s insane!’” –Mibbitmaker aka M

The sexy picture of Adrian on the ad is making me question my sexual orientation. I think I’m going to have to come out as a dopesbian.” –Melissa G

Out in South Dakota, LuAnn tries to milk a cow and is kicked in the head, resulting in a 20-point increase in her IQ.” –gnome de blog

“I am shocked that they would even consider eating bread products, even on vacation. That would be a crumby thing to do. Why, I would feel like a heel if I spent any dough on bread, or any bread on dough for that matter. Also, when I got home, I would be toast. I would Wonder why I did it. Wait, aren’t you SUPPOSED to loaf on vacation?” –The Restless Mouse

‘Madea Meets Blacula’ — funny. ‘Hysterical Girl Tasered’ — funny. How did this happen?? Or is it just one of those a million monkeys at a million typewriters sort of things?” –Liner Notes Danny

“This was a full day’s work for Randy. Now it’s off to brunch where a bunch of square-jawed white guys will congratulate him for his gutsy handling of his single bail-hearing and big-breasted women jut at him approvingly.” –Mischief Maker

“See, the problem is, Tommie, we can’t really tell if he’s shaking you, or if you’re just moderately surprised. You’re the girl who bobbled ‘wolf!'” –commodorejohn

I will continue and forever thank those who put money in my tip jar! And our advertisers also deserve thanks:

  • The Venetian Judgement: David Stone is the cover name for a man born into a military family. He has served in the military and has worked as an intelligence officer. The Venetian Judgment is his startling new book. “Dalton shot the bodyguard first, because that’s how these things are done…”

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

Sincere thanks to everyone who supported the Pledge Drive — and if the appeal didn’t fit your schedule, budget, or charitable priorities, thank you for your patience. No more fund-raising ’til fall I promise, although “surprise” contributions are always a welcome treat! The button’s at the left under the Comment of the Week there. Just sayin’.

If you missed any of the Pledge Drive banners, they’re at the bottom of this page.

— Uncle Lumpy


Funky Winkerbean, 4/18/09

Passive-aggressive zombie Lisa Moore deftly sinks the hook, assuring that the condom will stay in Les’s jacket until he needs to replace the elbow-patches again. (No, he does not keep the condom in his wallet: Lisa’s picture is in that wallet! Duh!)

Personal note: Most of the time, making fun of comics is like plinking cans with a .22 — an idle diversion, not too destructive. An especially irritating strip might make me wish for a slightly higher caliber. But when the Dead Chick shows up in Funky Winkerbean, I start wondering how big a thermonuclear device it would take to blow eastern Ohio to rust and splinters. I suspect this is an overreaction on my part, and I’m working on it.

Mark Trail, 4/18/09

In panic, Rusty bends time, space, and perspective as Sassy’s wild glee ends in dismay.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/18, 3/28/09 (details, retouched: originals here and here)

Just as Seinfeld famously expanded the horizons of observational comedy, so Rex Morgan, M.D. opens new vistas for observational drama. Clueless yuppies Rex and June drift along on chitchat and ice cream, vaguely entertained by the epidemics, kidnappings, and murders that backdrop their meaningless lives. Great fortunes are reversed, families ruined, lives lost — none of it touches them.

Until now. In the person of Agnes Dunsmore, June confronts her own gin-soaked, loveless future. Staring through the veil at those fissures and spider-veins as into a mirror, she forms the thought that burns in her eyes, and breathes, “Guido — and nowbefore it’s too late!”

— Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

For many of us, the past six months have been a little rough. If the Comics Curmudgeon helped smooth things out, why not return the favor?



To contribute by PayPal® or credit card, click the banner. To send cash, check, fruitcake or loose gemstones, reach me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net for the address. Either way, thank you!


Why would any comic strip merely amuse or entertain its readers, when it could Speak Out on Important Concerns of Today’s Youth — who will totally not laugh at pathetic attempts to imitate their slang! Word up? For sha-zizzle, bros — and brosettes!

Crankshaft, 4/16/09

Hey, kids — don’t cheat! Because cheating cheats you and the game — and that helps the game win! You love the game, don’t you? Of course you do — that’s why you want it to win! And if that means you have to lose, well, suck it up! Get on the damn juice — for the sake of the game! Um, wait a minute; I’m a little confused here. Weren’t we supposed to have a flashback or something? CUE THE DAMN FLASHBACK!

Curtis, 4/16/09

Hey, kids — be true to yourselves, and all your dreams will come true. Of course, they’ll probably come true for somebody else — somebody whose idea of “true to himself” involves shameless ass-kissing.

Mark Trail, 4/16/09

Hey, kids — don’t smoke! And don’t become criminals! But if you do become criminals — really, really stupid criminals — don’t go out for an all-afternoon fishing trip without your smokes, because that is not how addiction works. At least do something right, fer Chrissake!

Spider-Man, 4/16/09

Hey, kids — do you know what to do in the event of an electrical fire? Do you:

Stop it with a rubber mat? NO! — It will just bat the mat away — like a foul ball!
Douse it with water? NO! — Water won’t douse an electrical fire — loser!
Dress it up in a ridiculous spiky outfit? NO! Electrical fires have no shame, and will appear in public thus garbed!
Stop it with a can of sand? NO! — I pan your can of sand, my man — electric fires withstand such plans!
Perhaps if I employed a bucket? NO! — and watch your damn mouth, kid!
Well, what if I call Spider-Man? OK, you’re just messing with me now.

Zippy the Pinhead, 4/16/09

Well, maybe not “Slim Jim.” But we’re with you the rest of the way, pal.


What the hell is wrong with these people? — an occasional feature!

Edge City, 4/6, 9, 10, 14, 15, 16/09

What the hell is wrong with these people?


— Uncle Lumpy