Post Content

Everybody nags writers, “Show, don’t tell.” But when the showing fails and the deadline draws nigh, telling will have to do.

Judge Parker, 6/16/2008

For days, we’ve been speculating, “Terrorist plot or drug bust — which will appear in the newspaper?” The answer? Not this strip, if you keep this up. And hey — the maid gets
the inside seat in the breakfast nook? How does that work?

Mary Worth, 6/16/2008

Here’s another newspaper comic about what appears in a newspaper. But don’t worry — the narration box helpfully explains that the newspaper photo is misleading. Taking Mary’s side, of course.

The Phantom, 6/16/2008

Ignoring the convenient ladder, the Ghost-Who-Showboats speculates about how awesome his awesome feat will look when it appears in print. As though anybody’s going to look past the first panel.

Spider-Man, 6/16/2008

Spidey’s narration box is as baffled as we are. And perhaps as bored.

Mark Trail, 6/16/2008

The second panel’s giant tortoise is rendered mute. Cramming his gullet with peyote — or is it deadly nightshade? — he prays only that his release, or the end, will be quick.

— Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Mark Trail, 6/14/08

Ever since Roger appeared with his little pencil mustache, the odds were good that he was going to get punched; but what would his transgression be? Now it’s becoming clear: he’s going to try to put the moves on Cherry! Whether it’s because the sight of her pink shirt and mom jeans and essential purity has inflamed his passions or because he and Kelly are engaged in some elaborate and sinister game of “good porn producer, bad porn producer,” only time will tell, but clearly villainy is afoot here.

I know we’re supposed to be outraged on behalf of the Trail household at Kelly’s big-city sneering, but you have to admit that the scene is kind of rustic, and the hosts aren’t exactly up on what constitutes hospitality, if panel three is any indication. “Lunchtime, everyone! Here’s a big bowl of ice! Go on, eat up, I’ll make more!” On the other hand, the ice may have been requested by Kelly and Roger for their movie, possibly for genital-cooling purposes.

Marmaduke, 6/14/08

Hey there Baldy McNeighbor, you look pretty smug for someone who’s about to be devoured by an enormous, hungry dog.

For Better Or For Worse, 6/14/08

You mean everyone who comes is going to get really high and end up encrusted with filth? If only, kids.

Pluggers, 6/14/08

You’re a plugger if nearly everybody you grew up with is dead.

Post Content

Family Circus, 6/10/08

Congratulations to the Family Circus for providing the most stomach-turning visual image of the day. Usually I think the limited palate used to colorize the King Features strips detracts from their visual impact, but there’s no question in my mind that that’s exactly the right shade of brown to use to instill total revulsion into the hearts of right-thinking people everywhere. With the lint on the side, it actually looks like Jeffy has a shrunken head on a stick. The little droplet of extra brown coming off the side in particular will be featuring into my nightmares.

Apartment 3-G, 6/10/08

Like so many artists before him, Alan is proving to be a remarkably inept businessman. I love his look of shock and disgust in the second panel as he contemplates the arrival of people who actually want to buy what he’s selling. Hey, Alan, who did you think was going to buy your “rock,” hedge fund managers and mid-level British aristocracy? He’s about to learn a hard lesson, which is that when you deal crack, you end up having to deal with crackheads.

Gil Thorp, 6/10/08

It’s painfully obvious that Elmer and his “BFF” Branden have run off together to get married so as to fix the former’s immigration situation, so I won’t dwell on that (except to note that, based on the experiences of friends and family who have wed Canadians, it does not work like that anymore [if it ever did] so please don’t try this at home). Instead, I feel a need to focus on Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp’s clothes. More specifically, what the hell is going on with her clothes? She seems to be wearing some kind of belted one-piece collared-dress-coullotte number, which, I feel, would be a bad fashion choice if such a thing actually existed, which I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/10/08

I’d like to say that “What makes you think I know anything about them?” is one of the most reasonable possible answers to “I need to know what happened to the old wrestling mats at Hamilton Middle School!” We also would have accepted “Wrestling mats? What the hell are you talking about?” But panel three shows why our be-soul-patched miscreant was so quick to flee the man he thought was a cop: he’s obviously incapable of standing up to even the gentlest level of interrogation. “Hey … is this about the kid that was smothered to death by those wrestling mats and then his body was thrown in the river? Wait, MRSA? What’s that? Oh, un, then never mind about the first thing.”

Mark Trail, 6/10/08

Ha ha, Cherry, it’s all well and good that you want to stand on your own, but I’m not sure that you’ve noticed that you have a vagina. The fact that Kelly Welly is similarly endowed and yet manages to function without a male guardian is the main reason why Mark and Doc find her so unsettling. But, you, my dear, are no Kelly Welly. In fact, I think you’re about to accidentally stick your hand into that pot of boiling water.

Six Chix, 6/10/08

Hey, everybody, here’s today’s Six Chix! It’s about chickens fucking.