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Archive: Mark Trail

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On The Extremely Depressing Road

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/26/18

Welp, I apologize: it turns out that even though last week I dismissed the possibility that Darin and Jessica were driving from Los Angeles to northeast Ohio rather than flying for some reason, and that Mopey Pete would prefer to tag along rather than flying himself for some reason, that is in fact what’s happening! I … have no idea why? I guess flying with a baby is a pain, but probably not so much of a pain as making a multiday drive with a baby? That kind of drive is a big undertaking and generally you only do it if you have a specific reason, like you’re moving with all your stuff or you want to see the country or something, and yet these guys are just acting like it’s a normal, everyday occurrence, which makes me think that I’ve missed some pivotal Funkyverse event, like all air travel being banned due to a sudden outbreak of Atmosphere Cancer.

Mark Trail, 2/26/18

“The death toll was awful … there were dozens of them packed into a single boxcar, with no safety measures of any kind. One of the few survivors said that any real clown would rather die true to their values than travel in a vehicle with a reasonable number of people in it.”

Spider-Man, 2/26/18

We established last week that JJJ’s sojourn to South Florida had nothing to do with Spidey’s adventures there, but it’s nice to know that he just rants to casual acquaintances about what a menace the wall-crawler is, presumably without context or provocation.

Slylock Fox, 2/26/18

It’s good to see that Slylock has so thoroughly eradicated crime that he can spend his time advising school administrators how not to embarrass themselves, I guess! But I think he’s wrong here: no teen is going to sharpen these pencils, because a pencil that says “TOO COOL TO CHEAT” is so hilariously dorky and pure that they’ll be keeping them in pristine condition for years.

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God Hates Feelings

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/24/18

Man, I sometimes I feel like either Funky Winkerbean doesn’t understand the motivations and behavior of actual human beings, or I don’t? Why does Pete need Darin and his family to be his traveling companions? Pete and Darin live in California, so they probably aren’t driving all the way back to Ohio, and it’s not like Darin’s going to spring for Pete’s plane ticket. Pete went to high school in Westview and last we heard had a romantic interest in nearby Centerville, so it’s not even like it would be weird for him to travel there himself! All I can think of is that Pete is so cheap that he wants to split an Uber from the airport, which is weird but at least offers some vague explanation for the “joke” in the final panel.

Family Circus, 2/24/18

I gotta admit, the idea of someone literate just stone cold making up rules that aren’t actually in her culture’s preferred holy book and imposing them on someone illiterate is pretty funny! After further reflection, I also have to admit that this was probably pretty common behavior for, say, most of human history.

Mark Trail, 2/24/18

Ah ha, now we see where this Mark Trail plot is going! “Oh, you whiny libs don’t like the way the circus treats the animals, huh? Well, what if the circus just let the animals roam free in your neighborhood??? I bet you’d be in favor of a little animal cruelty then!!!!” I’m honestly excited to learn how Wilhelm the clown fits into this. “Oh, you whiny libs think clowns are scary and disturbing, huh? Well, in this case you’re right, this dude is a straight-up nightmare given flesh.”

Pluggers, 2/24/18

The pluggers were warned that the death panels were coming, so we had to make them extra subtle.

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There’s a bear wearing a tutu who will almost certainly turn out to be the enemy commander

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Mark Trail, 2/20/18

Oh, man, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Mark Trail, but the short version of the story is that, after showering his giraffe-seeing son and monkey-riding-ostrich-seeing father-in-law with amused contempt and probably not even hearing about the nice campers who got attacked by a rhino, Mark finally saw a tiger with his own eyes and now all of the sudden the situation is very serious indeed and he needs to take charge of it! Based on Mark’s grim facial expression and his determination to stockpile on ammo, look for the tone of the strip to rapidly shift from “zany farce with wacky circus animals” to “gritty Assault on Precinct 13-style seige drama, with wacky circus animals.”

Mary Worth, 2/20/18

This Mary Worth plot about Ted Miller, sex creep, is doing a good job of simulating having professional dealings with an actual sex creep, in the sense that you have to sit through a lot of boring professional talk on edge wondering when the next hug that lingers right up to the edge of plausible deniability is going to abruptly arrive. Until then, though, I guess we should go back to the extremely improbable story of Mary as a muffin maven, a story that starts with her selling a plate of five muffins at Aileen’s Grocery and ends with everyone involved a millionaire! This story obviously requires Ted to wedge himself onto the loveseat with Mary to tell it, so she can feel the power of his narrative.

Pluggers, 2/20/18

A PLUGGER ONLY HUGS SOMETHING

AFTER HE KILLS IT

AND CHOPS IT UP WITH AN AXE