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Apartment 3-G, 1/6/12

There’s just enough wiggle room in this adoption talk to make me hope against hope that a hilarious and awkward misunderstanding is in the works. “Adopted me? No, Lu Ann, you’re the adopted one!” Hijinks would ensue, along with baffled tears.

Marvin, 1/6/12

You know, sometimes I say to myself, “Look, you’ve got to stop showcasing Marvin’s constant poop jokes! It’s becoming almost as gross and lazy as the poop jokes themselves!” But then I hit a strip that actually focuses on COMPETITIVE DEFECATION and honestly I don’t see how I can be expected to restrain myself.

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Beetle Bailey, 12/20/12

I’m not sure which explanation for this cartoon is sadder: that the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC creative team couldn’t be bothered to do 30 seconds of Google Image Searching to find out what a stealth fighter actually looks like, or that they think that they’re the first to come up with the idea of a plane with a “special skin that eludes radar detection” and ran off to the patent office immediately after sending this strip to the syndicate.

Marvin, 12/20/12

Oh look, Marvin has decided to join Crankshaft on the ha ha Santa is on the Facebook now get it because the Facebook is popular and it’s Christmas bandwagon! Having read this strip, I now feel that I have to give Crankshaft some credit, as it managed to put together its punchline without actually betraying a complete ignorance of how Facebook actually works.

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Marvin, 12/17/11

I have to admit that I’ve always been a little intrigued by the fact that dogs have amazing intraspecies size variations, and I’ve always kind of wondered what this means for their sex lives. I don’t really like being forced to confront the notion visually in the comics, though. Given the extent to which Junior’s new love interest towers over him, her studded leather collar and the black hearts floating over her head seem disturbingly significant.

Mark Trail, 12/17/11

Ha ha, Kelly, Honey the bear took you to the Parents McQueens’ underground bear-sex lair! This will make a good story for some magazine, though perhaps not the one Kelly intended to sell it to. She can explain what “gold mining” is a euphemism for.

Phantom, 12/17/11

Meanwhile, the Phantom is sending Ernesto’s wife into an epistemological crisis. “Believe nothing? Not even the evidence of my own senses?”