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Never mind the comics

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Marvin, 4/9/11

Never mind whatever kind of baby HUAC Marvin’s got going on here; why do the infants to his left bear an expression of heavy-lidded ennui, while those to his right have eyes opened wide with horror? Given Mavin’s love of sitting in his own foul-smelling feces, I think we can say with some certainty which way the wind is blowing here.

Archie, 4/9/11

Never mind Archie and Jughead’s inane banter — what exactly is Random Second Panel Gal looking at on her tablet device? It’s a given that all the ladies in Riverdale are hot for our feckless protagonist for no reason anyone can ever identify, so I suppose it’s not out of the question that someone developed an Archie app. Still, I weep for the waste of programming time it would represent.

Momma, 4/9/11

The Hobbes children are so traumatized by their upbringing that their mother’s face haunts even their masturbatory sessions.

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Extra depressing Wednesday

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Marvin, 4/6/11

Ha ha, “delayed job stress syndrome,” what a whimsical concept! Wait, you say that this is actually a serious condition, that it’s called “post-traumatic stress disorder,” and that, depressingly enough, bomb-sniffing dogs sometimes do suffer from it? Thanks a lot for bringing everyone down, Marvin. Next time stick to poop jokes, why don’t you?

Funky Winkerbean, 4/6/11

Speaking of whimsy, Funky Winkerbean is casting its narrative eye back to a time when it was wacky and cancer free. Here’s a delightful episode from Les’s high school days, when he was so terrified of being physically assaulted that he pissed himself. Those were the good old days, huh?

Apartment 3-G, 4/6/11

Meanwhile, Lu Ann and Paul’s romance has slipped into a comfortable pattern, in which each of them subjects the other in turn to a form of entertainment that he or she hates. This will presumably go on until one of them breaks, at which point the other will win. “At last,” Margo thinks, “Lu Ann is in a relationship that I understand!”

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Gross saturday

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Momma, 3/26/11

I was all set to just write this off as more of this strip’s typical Oedipal horror, but then I actually got a good look of the chinless, mouthless nightmare on the front of Tina’s head in panel two. I don’t care how much you love your wife, there’s now way you’re going to describe that as anybody’s “gorgeous face.”

Crock, 3/26/11

Oh boy! Is Crock going to feature more jokes involving Quench the camel either threatening to slobber on people or actually slobbering on people? I am very firmly in favor of this, as it’s the first even vaguely delightful development to come occur in Crock in the entire time I’ve been inflicting it on myself. Yay for more camel saliva! God, how low are my standards that I just said that?

Marvin, 3/26/11

Having dedicated its main focus to its title character’s noxious feces for some time now, Marvin has taken the logical next step, and has begun using the aforementioned feces as the solution to most of the problems that arise within the strip’s narrative.