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Marvin, 4/6/11

Ha ha, “delayed job stress syndrome,” what a whimsical concept! Wait, you say that this is actually a serious condition, that it’s called “post-traumatic stress disorder,” and that, depressingly enough, bomb-sniffing dogs sometimes do suffer from it? Thanks a lot for bringing everyone down, Marvin. Next time stick to poop jokes, why don’t you?

Funky Winkerbean, 4/6/11

Speaking of whimsy, Funky Winkerbean is casting its narrative eye back to a time when it was wacky and cancer free. Here’s a delightful episode from Les’s high school days, when he was so terrified of being physically assaulted that he pissed himself. Those were the good old days, huh?

Apartment 3-G, 4/6/11

Meanwhile, Lu Ann and Paul’s romance has slipped into a comfortable pattern, in which each of them subjects the other in turn to a form of entertainment that he or she hates. This will presumably go on until one of them breaks, at which point the other will win. “At last,” Margo thinks, “Lu Ann is in a relationship that I understand!”

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Momma, 3/26/11

I was all set to just write this off as more of this strip’s typical Oedipal horror, but then I actually got a good look of the chinless, mouthless nightmare on the front of Tina’s head in panel two. I don’t care how much you love your wife, there’s now way you’re going to describe that as anybody’s “gorgeous face.”

Crock, 3/26/11

Oh boy! Is Crock going to feature more jokes involving Quench the camel either threatening to slobber on people or actually slobbering on people? I am very firmly in favor of this, as it’s the first even vaguely delightful development to come occur in Crock in the entire time I’ve been inflicting it on myself. Yay for more camel saliva! God, how low are my standards that I just said that?

Marvin, 3/26/11

Having dedicated its main focus to its title character’s noxious feces for some time now, Marvin has taken the logical next step, and has begun using the aforementioned feces as the solution to most of the problems that arise within the strip’s narrative.

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Family Circus, 3/14/11

Ill-content with his future as a sullen dick, Billy aspires to be a sullen ignorant dick. Live the dream, Billy!

Baby Blues, 3/14/11

Uh-oh — looks like Hammie’s been bitten by a radioactive spider. Lot of that going around. Can’t wait for the musical!

Marvin, 3/14/11

Marvin, perfected. You folks can stop now.

Judge Parker, 3/14/11

Marketing executive — of course. Alan’s Blackberry® also brings news that his two-week Wonder Novel has received a Pulitzer Prize, and Sam’s been appointed Attorney General and Papal Nuncio. Judge Parker pumps its characters so full of gas it’s like watching Ally McBeal staged by Macy’s parade balloons.

Dick Tracy, 3/14/11

Whoa — what the hell is that thing growing out of Dick’s left wrist? And are we headed for four months of “It’s morning out there”/”I’m gonna call you, Tracy”? Time will tell.

Hey, I’m outta here! Josh will return on Monday with your COTW, and chew back into the comics on Tuesday. It’s been a fun week — thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy