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Judge Parker, 9/18/22

Oh, hey, you all remember Marie, the longtime Spencer-Driver maid who, back in 2019, found out her husband faked his death because he was in too deep to the mob, which led to her quitting her job as a maid and “going to grad school” (e.g., hanging out on a beach with some hunk) but then just a few weeks later Abbey tricked her into running her AirBNB? You’d think that the AirBNB burning down would’ve been a great excuse for Marie to skip town again, but Abbey has managed to browbeat her into keeping her company, and, well, I’m not saying she’s back working for Abbey again, but she is jogging a respectful distance behind her while desperately trying to calibrate exactly what she says in order to validate Abbey emotionally, so I hope she’s geting paid something.

Mary Worth, 9/18/22

Ha ha, yes, this is perfect: All the Mary Worth regulars talking themself into believing that romantic failure is good, actually, while the two off-putting guest stars are about to fingerbang to Jeopardy! Truly could not ask for a better end to this storyline. (Please, please, let this be the end of this storyline.)

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Dick Tracy, 9/16/22

Say, folks, remember last year, when Sam smiled wryly when he learned he’d be receiving his copy of Derby Dugan: The Geebus Years two weeks late? Well, that’s nothing compared to the heights of ecstacy he’s achieving as he learns that there’s going to be a stage play adaptation of Funny Papers, a nonfiction (?) book about the history of the comics, starring Derby Dugan. I sincerely wish I could be excited about anything as Sam is about this, with “this” being something you’d think I too would be excited about, given the subject matter of this blog, but [checks personal excitement level] ennnnnnh.

Mary Worth, 9/16/22

I am excited about the return of Wilbur’s beloved goldfish, who are probably wondering (to the extent that goldfish can wonder things) “if he’s so hot on being alone, why is he spending time with us, ugh.”

Marvin, 9/16/22

Did, uh, did Marvin’s family accidentally rent a porn, or what

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Judge Parker, 9/12/22

Hey, remember when Judge Parker Senior ran a vanity campaign for mayor, and not only didn’t win but ended up dropping out before the election even happened, which is even more embarrassing? Well, now another member of the local nobility wants in on that, apparently. Alan at least had the vague outlines of a political platform for his abortive stab at relevance — I described it at the time as “prison abolition and left-leaning NIMBYISM from a perspective of noblesse oblige” — but I’m assuming that the extremely divorced Abbey’s main goal in seeking political power will just be revenge on her various enemies, which frankly has a much greater chance of success.

Mary Worth, 9/12/22

Oh, sorry, since Dawn successfully self-actualized her breakup I thought maybe we’d be getting a new storyline this week, but no, we need Mary to explain what Dawn has learned first. Panel two makes it clear that Dawn has long experience in this scenario and knows that if she assumes an absolutely neutral facial expression this won’t last as long, or at least she can retreat to her mind palace while she waits for it to blow over.

Dick Tracy, 9/12/22

“By which I mean, you’re still gonna wear this stuff when we have sex, right? That’s kinda what I signed up for.”