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Gil Thorp, 2/26/22

The thing about Gil Thorp and its teenage hijinks is that they do occur in the very restricted world of the newspaper comics section, which means that the black-market Adderall the characters buy needs to be fake, their “sexting” photos need to be fully clothed, and their backyard wrestling deaths need to be accidental. Still, I would have liked at least a panel or two of ambiguity before finding out that Pranit’s attempt to solve his cash-flow problems with hired violence instantly blew up in his face.

Gasoline Alley, 2/26/22

Gasoline Alley is doing this long shaggy dog story about how Walt was on an adventure in Egypt decades ago and ended up in a Pharaoh’s tomb and drank something, and I feel like we finally have an explanation of what’s going on with him, which is that he’s under a mummy’s curse. Which make sense, as he’s increasingly mummy-like himself.

Mary Worth, 2/26/22

Cal, I get it, Toby’s an attractive woman, and a student-teacher romance has a forbidden allure. But you don’t have to debase yourself by claiming that you think Toby’s hideous grey figurines look “playful.” Try to have a little dignity, man.

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Family Circus, 2/25/22

I was going to do a joke about Dolly undermining her parents’ Flat Earth beliefs in front of PJ, but then I got a look at the utter, inky blackness outside the window. She definitely lives in some nightmare-dimension where the Sun has vanished, possibly forever, leaving the Keane Kompound as the last speck of light in a vanishing universe. Dolly’s little lie to PJ now seems like a final act of kindness before they too are snuffed out forever.

Pluggers, 2/25/22

Pluggers may not have insurance and may not be able to afford any actual medication to put in their medicine cabinet, but they still have a “health care plan”: to die with dignity by drinking a bunch of hotel shampoo after they diagnose themselves with a terminal disease from information they found on WebMD.

Mary Worth, 2/25/22

I’m not sure “uncanny” is a compliment in this context? Like, yes, Toby has probably figured out what’s going on here and does want to get laid, but she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from following it with “valley.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/25/22

You hear that, Rex and “Kyle”? This criminal absolutely doesn’t give a shit about you! You’re lucky your daughter/coauthor’s cute!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/24/22

Ahhh, today in Rene Belluso catchphrases you can use to liven up work meetings, we have “Nonsense! Lies! All lies!!!,” which I think we can all imagine plenty of times we’d like to yell it, right? Anyway, I assume that it is in fact not a lie that Rene spent his time in the joint nattering on to his oafish cellmate about the tricks of his forgery trade. I think it’s sad that Rene was excited to share his plans for his most conceptually complex forgery of all — a retroactive forgery of someone else’s work that he would pass off as his own original composition — and all he gets in return is this pointless snitchery.

Mary Worth, 2/24/22

OK, I definitely think they’re supposed to be flirting now, because you cannot convince me that these two are throwing around “I observe what’s around me” and “if I what I see interests me” and “focus” and “energy” while talking about the most cliched still life drawing it’s possible to do for a community college art class.